


This Is Me Trying

by Jeep_Girl



Series: This is Me Trying [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Memory Loss, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeep_Girl/pseuds/Jeep_Girl
Summary: Lena knew it was something bad, that something was really, really wrong with Kara when she got to the DEO and saw Alex looking at her with that look. Alex wasn’t distraught. So, Kara couldn’t be dead. But the way she was looking at her. Something was definitely very wrong.“Alex, what is it? What is going on? Is she…?”“She’s alive, Lena, physically, she seems to be intact. It’s her mind that has been altered.”“What do you mean?”“She is having trouble remembering a lot of things.”“Such as?”“The last five years.”There it was. That’s why Alex was giving her that look. Kara won’t remember who she is. She won’t remember their friendship. All of the highs and the lows. When they were less than friends… enemies even. Or when they finally made up. Or their most recent conversation about said friendship and if it might be something more. Though no one else knows about that because they both agreed they wanted the space and time to figure that out for themselves, on their own, without pressure from anyone else.“Oh.”akaA story where Kara is the one who loses her memory and how Lena deals with the fallout.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Series: This is Me Trying [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006803
Comments: 317
Kudos: 887





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've read quite a few stories in which Lena loses her memories at some point in her relationship with Kara (great stories, highly recommend them). I decided I wanted to explore how Lena would handle something like that if it happened to Kara instead. This is that story. It is picking up about 6 months or so after the end of season 5. I hope you enjoy it!

Lena knew it was something bad, that something was really, really wrong with Kara when she got to the DEO and saw Alex looking at her with that look. Alex wasn’t distraught. So, Kara couldn’t be dead. But the way she was looking at her. Something was definitely very wrong.

“Alex, where is she?”

“Lena, wait, before you go see her. There is something you should know.”

Lena fights the urge to storm past Alex. She has to make sure Kare, her Kara, is ok. She just wants to see for herself. She is a scientist, after all. She always looks for the facts, the proof. But the way Alex says her name. Makes her falter in her step. Makes her stop and look at Alex, really look at her. Alex is looking at Lena with sadness in her eyes, with empathy, like she is sad for Lena, not for herself. Alex has never particularly shown positive emotions towards Lena. Why would she be showing her empathy like this… now? Lena stops and turns towards Alex. Alex turns and walks into a conference room. Lena follows. Alex closes the door behind them.

“Alex, what is it? What is going on? Is she…?” Lena doesn’t want to finish that sentence. She isn’t sure she can actually say the word out loud, even if she wanted to.

“She’s alive and awake. She is recovering under the yellow sunlamps as we speak, right now.”

Lena visibly shudders a sigh of relief. For a moment, she thought she was going to be responsible for the world losing Supergirl and for herself losing Kara.

_Lena was halfway around the world on a business trip for L-corp when the attack happened. The Aliens knew of the Supers and came prepared with Kryptonite. Too much of it. It was overpowering Kara’s suit. And with Superman off world… Lena knew. She knew when she saw the ships it was too much for Kara to handle herself. She needed Lena. She didn’t have to ask, she just knew. Lena dropped her plans and immediately got on her private jet to get back to National City to help. But she wasn’t fast enough. When she saw Supergirl, Kara, taking hit after hit from the alien attack. With Kryptonite being involved. She was terrified. And then, she saw it live, on the news… Kara… Supergirl… She took down the last ship by forcing it up high into the Earth’s atmosphere. She isn’t sure what exactly happened up there… All the news showed was Kara plummeting back to the earth. It all happened so fast to Lena._

_She left a crater the size of a football field somewhere in a desert in Arizona._

“Lena, physically, she seems to be intact. It’s her mind that has been altered.”

This snaps Lena out of her recent memories and back to Alex.

“What do you mean?”

“She is having trouble remembering a lot of things.”

“Such as?”

Alex looks at Lena, that same look she was giving her in the hallway. Lena can tell Alex doesn’t want to answer the question, but Lena knows Alex. Alex is the harder of the two Danvers sisters. She is the one who will deliver the hard news. After a few more seconds of the look, her eyes harden back to DEO Agent Danvers mode.

“The last five years.”

There it was. That’s why Alex was giving her _that_ look. Kara won’t remember who she is. She won’t remember their friendship. All of the highs and the lows. When they were less than friends… enemies even. Or when they finally made up. Or their most recent conversation about said friendship and if it might be something more. Though no one else knows about that because they both agreed they wanted the space and time to figure that out for themselves, on their own, without pressure from anyone else.

“Oh,” was all Lena could muster for as a verbal response. Lena slides into a chair then, unsure of what to do next. Alex sits down next to her.

“We are going to take things slow with Kara, her memories might come back with some time.” Lena just nods. Alex and Lena then sit in silence for a few minutes.

“I’d still like to see her, maybe introduce myself, if that’s ok?” Lena finally asks. She internally weighed the pros and cons of this. Ultimately, her desire to see and make sure Kara, her Kara, was still intact, even if she didn’t know her, won out.

Alex regarded Lena for a moment, before nodding in assent. They stand up and Alex leads Lena to the Med Wing. Kara is in the room alone, under the yellow sun lamps, eyes closed. She opens her eyes when Alex walks in and smiles brightly at her. Lena follows, somewhat hesitantly.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”  
  


“I told you Al,” Kara starts before seeing Lena and going back into her Supergirl persona. “Um… I mean, Agent Danvers, I am feeling quite like my normal, Supergirl self. Did you bring another Doctor to check on me?” She asks, all seriously, unsure of what exactly is going on. Lena has both of her hands clasped in front of her, anxiously holding them together.

“Oh… no, Kara, this…” Lena sees Kara visible relax as soon as Alex uses her real name. “This is Lena. She is someone who you have known and been close friends with for the past four years. She came to check on you.”

“You know who I am?” Kara asks, confirming her suspicions.

Lena approaches Kara, who turns off the sunlamps. Lena attempts to give her the warmest of smiles she can muster. “I didn’t… for a long time I only knew you as Kara. But eventually, I did find out.” Now is definitely _not_ the time to tear open that can of worms…. Lena sticks her hand out like she is meeting Kara for the first time all over again. “We met four years ago when you came with your cousin to interview me, I’m Lena… Lena Luthor.”

Kara shakes her hand, though hesitantly upon hearing her last name. Lena sees her hesitate, sees her glance from Lena to Alex.

“Lena Luthor,” Kara says out loud, perhaps trying it out on her own tongue or trying to see if it makes her recall any memories. To Lena, it sounds foreign. It’s Kara’s voice, but it’s never how Kara has said her name before. Kara awkwardly chuckles then and says, “Is um… is that any relation to a Lex Luthor?” She is smiling, because it’s Kara. But this question… is like a knife through the heart to Lena. She takes a step back from Kara. She can’t be this close to Kara because this isn’t her Kara. Not really. She has to remember that.

Lena, taking a page from Alex, adjusts herself to put on her CEO face. “Lex is my half-brother.” She purposefully emphasizes the word ‘half.’ Kara simply nods at the answer and then looks down at her own hands, neither woman knowing what to say next. Lena tries to remind herself that this version of Kara only knows about Lex and his relationship to Superman, to her cousin Clark, and the tumultuous relationship they had. So, it makes sense she would be hesitant and confused by Lena’s presence. Still, it doesn’t take away the sting she feels in her heart.

“Alex, may I have a moment alone with Kara?” Lena finally says. She has things she wants to say to Kara. Even if this isn’t her Kara. And these are things she does not want Kara’s sister to hear.

Alex looks at Kara, who looks at Lena and then back at Alex before nodding, letting Alex know she is ok being alone with Lena. Kara is clearly intrigued by the woman in front of her. She trusts Alex wouldn’t have let Lena come in to see her if she didn’t at least, on some level, believe that Lena was good. She would ask Alex about Lena later. Alex lets them know she will be back in five minutes to take Lena out of the DEO so Kara can get some more rest, and then she leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember you,” Kara blurts out, as soon as Alex leaves. Lena gives Kara a sad smile before walking back closer to her, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to the bed.

“Kara, you don’t have to apologize for that. It is something beyond your control. You didn’t ask for this to be happening to you.” Lena hopes Kara can pick up on how much she means it. She can’t even imagine what Kara must be going through right now.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about that you couldn’t say in front of Alex?” Kara asks after a few moments of silence.

Lena starts to reach for Kara’s hand, but then realizes what she is doing and redirects herself by fixing a wrinkle in the bedsheet and then bringing her hand back to her lap. She squeezes her hands together to keep them from reaching out to Kara again. Silly habits, she thinks to herself.

“It’s not that I couldn’t say it in front of Alex, it’s that… well, not very many people get to see a certain side of me Kara… very few people get to see the vulnerable side of me. And while Alex and I have a mutual respect for each other, we rarely display emotions around each other, and I would prefer to keep it that way.”

Kara processes Lena’s admission to her for a moment before following up with another question.

“Is this something that you and I often do? Talk about things that are emotionally vulnerable?” Kara is so genuinely curious about her relationship with Lena. She wants to understand it, even if she can’t remember it.

Lena ponders Kara’s question for a moment. “Well, I would say that we have had our fair share of emotional moments as friends, yes,” she says. Kara simply nods, taking in this additional information. Lena takes this as a cue for her to say what she needs to say to Kara. Lena takes a deep breath and starts.

“Kara, I know you don’t remember, well, anything about us, or about me right now. Maybe you will remember, maybe you won’t. Regardless, I want you to know one thing, without a shadow of a doubt, right now, so you can know it and remember it moving forward, ok?”

Kara nods, not wanting to interrupt.

“I want you to know and try to understand that you and I… we have been through so much over the last four years. And as you learn about or remember pieces of that, all I want you to know is that as of right now, you and I, we are on good terms, better yet, I would say we are on great, amazing terms... You are the most important person in my life, Got it?” Lena finishes strong with conviction. She needs this Kara to understand. She isn’t like Lex or any other Luthor. But she can’t just say that. So, she is hoping that by sharing how she feels about Kara to Kara will do the trick. Kara seems quite taken aback by Lena’s directness. She knows Kara isn’t very experienced when it comes to relationships. And she now realizes this is Kara before Mon-El, so she is even less experienced than her Kara. This Kara… she seems quite speechless. All she does is nod and say “Ok.”

Alex comes along not long after and as promised, informs Lena that Kara needs to get more rest under the sunlamps.

“Kara, I am glad you are alive and well, for the most part. Please know I am only a call away if you need me.”

“Thank you… Lena.” Lena thinks Kara means for what she said when Alex wasn’t in the room, but she can’t be sure. She doesn’t want to read too much into it.


	2. Chapter 2

Kara is excited to learn that she became a reported at Catco and goes back to work a week after the alien attack. She remeets Nia Noll/Dreamer, Brainy, and Kelly, learns that Winn is in the future and that James left National City. She starts to catch up on the last five years, but nothing seems to make her remember any of it. She starts by going through some of her old articles that she specifically wrote for Catco. It wasn’t long before she discovered the Lex article that she won a Pulitzer for. And then she found the award ceremony video, and Lena’s speech.

Kara doesn’t ask anyone about Lena. She decides she wants to do some investigating herself first. She starts with any and all news articles about Lena and L-corp. It turns out Kara had apparently written several herself for Catco. Yes, Lena runs L-corp, but she is also just simply a genius. Alex mentioned that yes Kara and Lena are friends, but that also Lena has helped Supergirl on several occasions. Eventually, Kara finds herself going through her own phone looking at photos and messages. She realizes two things. 1. It took her four years of being a superhero to get pants. Why… And 2. Lena and Kara spent a lot of time together.

The next thing Kara does is find her old journals. She has one for each year. She doesn’t open them at first, she knows what Alex told her, she is supposed to go back to living her life and let the memories come back organically. Otherwise she risks overloading herself and causing more damage. So, she pulls them out and just stares at them. She leaves them alone for three whole days. But on the third day, she got caught at work, not remembering something with her boss that she clearly was supposed to have remembered that happened last year… Something about Supergirl saving the world from a virtual reality nightmare. Kara looked it up online and found the approximate dates and a general covering of it in the news. But the news, she knows, only gets what the DEO lets out. Kara wanted to know what really happened.

She opened her journal and found an entry from the day after the event.

_May 20, 2020_

_I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’m really trying not to… but, there she was. Lena showed up at my door, two days ago. She came back to me. And yes, I was mad and didn’t want to let her in. But I did. And then we worked together again… just like we used to! She helped cover and keep my identity a secret… she made me an anti-kryptonite suit… Every time I thought she would let me down, she was right there, pulling through. And I know we still have so much to work through and talk through… and working together does not mean we are friends again… but… maybe… just maybe… we are on the path to that. – k_

After that… Kara was confused. What happened between her and Lena? Why did they have a falling out? And did they fix things after this? So… she kept reading.

_June 3, 2020_

_It’s been two weeks since we took down Leviathan. Lena and I have been working side by side every day to find Lex and Lillian… We are so close, I can tell. But we have been so focused on the mission. I’m concerned that once this is over, Lena will pull away again. And I really don’t want that. I just… want us to get past all of this already… - k_

_July 9, 2020_

_We did it. Lex and Lillian are in jail, for good this time. I saw Lena after it all. She apologized again for everything. I did too. And then we just stood there, unsure of what to say or do… She said she had some Lcorp business to take care of, so I let her go. She said she would call me later. We both know it was a lie… probably. But I just don’t think either of us know what to do or where to go from here? - k_

_July 23, 2020_

_Ok ok… I can’t keep doing this. I just need to go talk to her. Lena isn’t doing so well. I keep flying by her office or penthouse every night, just to check on her. And I’m pretty sure she has been drunk every night… I don’t know what is going on in her head, but I wish I did. - k_

_July 24, 2020_

_I slept on it, and decided I am going to reach out to Lena today and see if she would like to grab dinner. I know she told me she would call, but I also know sometimes Lena’s guilt gets the better of her and prevents her from reaching out to the people who care about her the most. So, I will reach out to her. - k_

Kara finishes reading this last entry and scrolls to this date in her text messages with Lena. Sure enough, she did text her. It was their first text message to each other in over six months…

_9:05am Kara: Hi Lena, I was going to call but thought you might want some time to think about responding… so here is a text. I know you said you would reach out. But I also know that sometimes you struggle with that. Anyway, I am texting to see if you would like to grab dinner tonight, just the two of us._

_10:29am Lena: Thank you for reaching out, Kara. Dinner would be lovely. 7:30, my place?_

_10:35am Kara: Absolutely! :D See you then! <3_

_7:25pm Kara: S-emergency, running late. Be there as soon as I can!_

_7:30am Lena: Kara. I’m so sorry about last night._

Kara and Lena do not text again for a few weeks after that. Kara goes back to her journal, but she did not write another entry for two months. Two months! What happened that night or the weeks that followed? Kara scrolls to the end of her text chat with Lena and sees the last few texts between them, dated from right before the alien attack.

_8:11am Lena: I’m telling you, our next movie night, it’s my turn to pick the movie. And we are watching Thoroughbreds, end of discussion._

_8:13am Kara: Ugh, fine. Only because you’re my favorite person though._

_8:14am Kara: Sh… don’t tell Alex that._

_8:20am Lena: Your secret is safe with me._

_8:24am Kara: Promise? :D_

_8:30am Lena: Of course. All of your secrets are always safe with me, Kara Danvers._

_8:33am Kara: Aww. Careful Lena Luthor, your soft side is showing._

_8:35am Lena: Only for you. <3_

“Well, here goes nothing” Kara says to herself inside her apartment.

_8:05pm Kara: Hi… I was wondering if we could talk. I had some questions about some stuff that happened between us._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena is sitting at her desk at Lcorp, staring at a budget report on her computer. She knows it should have been done an hour ago and that she has been staring at the same line for what feels like forever… She sighs, knowing that yes, she is tired but that isn’t the real reason she is struggling to get through this last report of the night.

It has been two weeks since she saw and talked to Kara at the DEO. Two weeks. She is trying very hard to give her space and time. Alex updated Lena a few days after she left the DEO, letting her know that she instructed Kara to return to work a week after she was released from the DEO, to attempt to return to some semblance of normalcy, with the hopes that this may trigger some of her memories. Lena also knows that, if she were in Kara’s shoes and had no memory of a woman, she would definitely not want that woman bothering her as she was trying to put the pieces back together. So, she said her piece at the DEO, and let her know that she was there if she needed her, anytime.

Lena let out a long sigh, knowing that this budget report was not getting done tonight. She stood up and walked over to her cabinet to get a class and helped herself to some water. She hasn’t drunk alcohol in months, though she feels the urge to regress back to that particular coping mechanism tonight. She pinches her nose and eyes with her free hand as she walks back to her desk to back up her belongings. She hears her phone notification go off, indicating a text message. She freezes in shock for a millisecond when she sees who the sender is, before quickly opening the phone up and reading the message.

Oh no. She definitely figured out that something happened between them. Probably something bad given the wording of the message. Lena looks up to the very last message she had sent Kara before this and her heart breaks a little… She can’t let this be the next string of messages with Kara… she just can’t. She decides to call her instead.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding after hitting the send button on the text to Lena. She sets her phone down, but then jumps when it almost immediately starts ringing. A photo of Lena is staring back at her. Lena is calling her instead of texting her back. She is frozen for a moment but then snaps out of it and picks up the phone.

“Um… hi.” Kara stammers.

“Hey, Kara, I just wanted to make sure everything was ok.”

“Oh… yeah, everything is ok. I’ve just been… trying to put together some missing pieces of the puzzle… ya know, of the last five years.”

“Yes…”

“And… well… I have been reading some of my old journal entries… some old text messages…”

“About us. Between us.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Right.” Kara confirms anyway.

“Which one’s Kara? From what time?”

“This past summer, May through July… it’s just, my boss at work brought up something that happened in May with Supergirl that I should have known about and didn’t remember and I just… stood there looking like a complete idiot… I can’t keep doing this… so I came home and started reading… But then I found I was writing about us and not about the other stuff…”

“Kara… would… would it be ok for me to come to your place tonight? I’m just leaving L-corp and could be there in 10. Make it 20 if you want me to bring pizza.”

This elicited a laugh from Kara, who realized she was actually hungry and hadn’t really eaten in several hours because of the frustration with what happened at work that day.

“Pizza would be great… but I can’t believe you are just now leaving work Lena.”

This last comment made Lena laugh into the phone. And, she would never admit it, but gave her just the slightest glimmer of hope because that comment, was exactly what her Kara would have said.

While she waited for Lena to arrive, Kara read the next entry in her journal.

_September 29, 2020_

_I know I haven’t written in a while. I couldn’t find a way to write down what was happening while it was happening. I had to let it play out first, otherwise I would have overanalyzed it all and just… said or did something dumb. Anyway, Lena and I decided to start small, with weekly lunches. That quickly turned into lunch a couple times a week, and then lunch and dinner a few times a week. She said she will eventually start coming back to game nights with everyone but isn’t ready yet. She wants to work on establishing individual friendships with everyone first before returning to the group as a whole, which I understand. We are talking a lot more, so much more, I think than even more everything… It’s just… wonderful and amazing and I’m so thankful we are here now. We haven’t told anyone about what happened this summer. Or what we decided. We are figuring things out for ourselves first. All of that can come later. -k_


	3. Chapter 3

Kara opens the door before Lena has time to knock, three pizza’s in her hands.

“Hi, I smelled the pizza!” Kara exclaims, feeling the need to explain how she knew Lena was here without her having to knock. Lena smiles and nods.

Kara stands to the side, holding the door open for Lena. Lena’s memories flash back to all the times Kara has done this exact same motion and she is reminded that Kara… this Kara, has no idea. Lena walks in and sets the pizza down on the counter. She turns to grab some plates, before turning back to find Kara standing there, just watching her.

“Sorry Kara… old habits, I guess. Is it ok if I grab us some plates?”

Kara nods. Lena gives her a half smile before turning back around and going right to the cabinet with the plates and turning back to the pizza, putting 2 slices on her own plate, and five on Kara’s.

“You have spent a lot of time here, huh?” Kara asks as they walk to the couch and sit down.

“Yes, I have.” Lena simple answers, not wanting to expand and risk overloading Kara with too much information at once. Had she started to spend the night with Kara before her business trip? Yes. Did anyone else know? No.

“So, um… Supergirl, she stopped this Leviathan thing… in May…” Kara trails off. Lena takes a bite of her pizza but nods her head up and down to let Kara know that that is correct. “Right… And you helped with that. You helped stop it,” she clarifies. Lena again only nods, not trusting her words right that moment. She isn’t sure exactly what Kara wrote in her own journal, so she doesn’t want to give away too much.

“What I gather is that… before that… we had had some kind of fallen out and were not talking at the time… but that you showed up at my apartment and then we worked together to stop Leviathan.” Again, Lena nods, wondering how she hadn’t gone back and read what happened before all of that yet. Lena doesn’t know what she wrote, exactly, but she is sure Kara had to have written about the events in some detail. “And after that, you helped me stop your brother and… Lillian, your mother?” Kara asks, guessing.

“Stepmother,” Lena clarifies, for Kara’s sake.

“Right… so they are in jail now. But after that happened. Things seem to have gotten a bit… awkward between us for a few weeks where we didn’t really talk. And then I reached out in a text message. And we had dinner. But then all I saw was a text from me saying I am running late because of an S-emergency and then a text from you the next day apologizing for the night before. It appears we went radio silent again for a couple weeks after that.”

All Lena does is nod her head. She isn’t sure she is ready to explain to Kara everything that happened that night. This Kara, the one in front of her, may not be ready to hear it.

“So, I guess I’m wanting to know what happened that night and the following weeks? I didn’t journal for a couple months after that, so there isn’t anything for me to go off of. And I apparently didn’t write anything at work either…”

Lena puts the half-eaten pizza down on the coffee table and wipes her hands as she takes a deep breath, trying to figure out what she is going to say, how she is going to explain it all. She looks at Kara, at her blue eyes, the ones Lena can practically see herself swimming in.

“You don’t have any articles from that time because you took a much-needed vacation. Three weeks, no being a Catco reporter, no being Supergirl. You took off and left National City.”

“With you?” Kara asks.

“No. By yourself. You… did not respond to my text that morning. You did come by my place though and talk to me. You told me you wanted time and space to figure some things out for yourself. You later told me that you spent some time at the Fortress, some on a deserted Island, and then some with Sara Lance.”

“I don’t remember who that is…”

“She is a Superfriend of yours, but one that isn’t from National City.”

“Ok… so, that explains why I wasn’t really writing during that time and why I can’t find any clues on what I was up to during that time. But what about before? What happened that night?”

Lena sighs. Of all the things she thought she would be talking to Kara about, trying to explain to Kara… this was not one of them. Mostly because no one else knew. So, she thought she would have some time before this one came up… she had hoped Kara would regain her memory before this came up…

“You had asked me to have dinner and I was so glad you had reached out because I was not in a very good mental state at the time. I had blamed myself for a lot of things that had happened over the past year. Some of those things happened between us. Some of them I did to you because I was hurting… Anyway, when you texted that you were running late, I tried to wait, I really did. But when you were an hour late, I started to cope the way I was coping at the time… with scotch. You showed up very, very late Kara Danvers,” Lena said, with a sly smile on her face, trying to make light of the serious topic. “I had one too many drinks by then and no food because I was still waiting on you to eat it. So, when you finally showed up, I said and did a lot of things… I shouldn’t have… hence the apology text the next morning when I woke up and remembered what I had done.”

“But why would that require me to go away for three weeks?” Kara asked, still confused about the entire evening. Kara is staring into Lena’s green eyes, practically pleading with Lena to explain, trying so hard to understand her own actions only a few short months ago. Lena sighs. This is not how she wanted Kara to learn about this… but she took a breath and described what happened that night as best she could.

_Kara arrived almost three hours late to dinner. By then Lena had seen the news of what was happening and why Supergirl was needed. Lena was two hours into drinking liquor straight when Kara arrived at Lena’s. Kara landed on the balcony and dematerialized her suit, reverting into her normal, Kara clothes. She slowly walked into the penthouse since the door was open, to find Lena, sitting on the floor, pictures and papers spread everywhere. Kara was concerned and shocked to find the messy scene. Lena had apparently been crying. Kara approached her slowly, carefully and gently sat down close to Lena._

_“Hi Lena, I’m so sorry I’m this late for dinner.”_

_Lena didn’t respond. She just sat there, staring at a photo of her and Kara. It was from before. Before she knew Kara was Supergirl. Before she killed Lex. Before crisis. Before everything._

_“Hey… Lena, can you hear me?” Kara reached out and risked touching Lena lightly on the hand. Lena looked up at Kara but still didn’t speak. Kara smiled at her sadly when their eyes met. “Hey… I know your head hasn’t been in a good place, especially these last few weeks. I reached out this morning because I was concerned you weren’t going to reach out to me like you said you would. Can we talk about what’s going on?”_

_Lena looks back down at the photos for a moment, then back up at Kara. “Why, Kara?”_

_For a moment, Kara thinks she is asking her why should they talk about it, but then Kara realizes Lena is asking something else, something much bigger. She just isn’t sure exactly what._

_“Why what, Lee?”_

_Lena’s eyes tear up at the use of her old nickname. Something she hasn’t heard Kara use in almost a year. She keeps eye contact with Kara. “Why do you keep trying to fix this? To fix us? We are so broken. I am so broken.” Lena breaks eye contact before finishing the last sentence, looking back down at the old photos, barely recognizing herself in them. Her eyes filling up again with tears._

_At first, Kara is shocked at the raw vulnerability and openness of such a question, such a statement coming from Lena Luthor. But then she realizes that Lena is quite drunk. And it isn’t fair to be having this conversation right now. Kara scoots as close as she can to Lena, and then reaches out and takes Lena’s hand in hers. Lena doesn’t pull away. Lena feels so defeated. She genuinely doesn’t understand Kara. Doesn’t understand why she keeps trying so hard for something, for someone, that is this broken. Kara isn’t sure what to say in this moment. She isn’t sure she has the right answer. But she knows her friend is hurting and she is intoxicated, so she needs someone to take care of her tonight._

_“Lena, I promise I will attempt to explain that to you when you aren’t drunk. Right now, can I help you get into bed?”_

_“Please, Kara… just tell me. Why?” Lena is begging, pleading with Kara for an answer. Kara sighs. This is not how she wants to have this conversation. She will most likely have to have it again with a sober Lena tomorrow too._

_“Lee, you’re my best friend. I know I kept a part of my life hidden from you, separate from you. And when that all finally came down, you acted exactly the way I was terrified you would, and you pushed me away. I lost you for a while. When I lost you… I lost a part of me. I don’t want to ever lose you again. I know things aren’t the way they used to be. I know we have a road ahead of us that is probably winding and rocky. But nothing in my life has ever been easy. So yes, I’m here now, trying, because I want to, because I love you. It’s that simple.”_

_Kara had been looking down at her hand holding Lena’s as she said all of this. Now that she finished, she looks up to see Lena staring at her, speechless. They sit like this, motionless, Lena just simply staring at Kara for a few, long moments._

_“Can I help you get to your bed now?” Kara finally breaks the silence. Lena nods. Kara stands up, offering her hands to help Lena up. Kara can tell the wheels have been turning in Lena’s head. Drunk or not, the brain of this genius never stops. She isn’t sure why Lena didn’t say anything after Kara’s confessional answer. Lena stands up with the help of Kara but doesn’t let go of Kara’s hand as they start to walk back to Lena’s bedroom. Lena is already wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, so Kara simply walks her over to the bed and pulls the sheets back so she can climb under them. Kara then tucks her in._

_“Ok, get some sleep, I can try to come over for lunch tomorrow since I ruined dinner, ok?” Kara says as she takes a step away from Lena and her bed. Lena still hasn’t said anything, but the idea of Kara leaving seems to snap her back from wherever she was in her head._

_“Kara, wait… come back.” Kara doesn’t hesitate, she is immediately at Lena’s bedside, kneeling down so she can check on Lena._

_“What is it, Lee?” Kara’s face is covered with concern at first, but then relaxes as she sees that Lena is smiling at her._

_“I just wanted to say thank you… And to tell you… that I love you too.”_

_Kara smiles at Lena, because Lena has never actually expressed directly with words how she feels about Kara. Sure, Lena shows through action how she feels, but she never says it. That’s why Kara always wondered whether Lena viewed Kara as close of a friend as Kara viewed her. Lena, still smiling, is feeling particularly courageous tonight given the large quantity of alcohol still coursing through her veins. So, she does it without thinking. Kara was so close already and was smiling that big beautiful smile of hers, and those blue eyes were practically shining._

_After Lena tells Kara she loves her. She reaches up with her arms, putting one around Kara’s back and the other around her neck. Kara thinks Lena is initiating a hug, something that Kara typically does first. She doesn’t realize until it happens. And then it does._

_Lena kisses Kara._

_It’s soft, tender, and sweet. It held years of repressed romantic attraction and love in it… heartbreak too. But beyond that, it held hope for Lena. Hope that maybe she could have what she wants._

_Kara freezes. She didn’t know what was happening. Ok, yes, she knew Lena was kissing her. But Lena was also very drunk right now. So, she wasn’t exactly sure why Lena was kissing her. And it’s over before Kara can really figure out exactly what is going on._

_Lena lays back down on the bed, closing her eyes, the alcohol finally starting to wear Lena Luthor down for the night. She half mumbles/half talks to Kara, telling her again that she loves her and will see her tomorrow._

_Kara is frozen in place for another five minutes. She is partially afraid to move in case it wakes Lena up. But mostly she is confused about what exactly just happened. She finally decided to leave a note for Lena that just says, “Please call me when you wake up so we can talk – K”. And then Kara cleans up the mess in the living room before locking up and going back to her apartment. Kara feels like she is on autopilot the entire time, not exactly sure how to feel about what exactly just transpired between herself and Lena._

Lena finishes the story of what happened that night and then goes quiet, letting Kara process in her own time as she gets up to make them both some tea. She knows it is a lot to take in. After all, it took Kara 3 weeks the first time to sort through it all. She looks back over to the couch a few times as she prepares the tea. Each time, Kara is in the same position, staring blankly off into space, unmoved. Lena isn’t sure whether she should interrupt or not. But when the tea is finally done, she slowly walks back to the couch and sets a cup down in front of Kara and then sits down at the other end of the couch with her own cup. This seems to help bring Kara back to the present.

“So, after this, I said I needed some time away and I ended up being gone for three weeks?” Lena nods as she sips her tea. “And the only person that I talked to, that you know of, was this Sara, Sara Lance, person?” Again, Lena nods but doesn’t say anything else. “Why wouldn’t I talk to Alex about any of this?” Kara says this out loud to the universe more so than to Lena specifically. Even so, Lena partially knows the answer.

“You said you didn’t want anyone here to know about us, or about whatever was decided between us. So, you couldn’t talk to Alex.” Kara scrunches her forehead and nose as she processes this information. “So, who is Sara Lance?”


	4. Chapter 4

Sara and Ava are having dinner together in Paris for their anniversary, taking some time off from the Waverider when Sara’s phone goes off. She ignores it at first, hoping it isn’t her crew getting into shenanigans already and needing them back on the ship. When the phone goes off two more times though. She sighs and finally pulls it out. She is surprised to see it isn’t a number she recognizes, but it is about someone she knows.

_Unknown: Hi, this is Lena Luthor, contacting you about your Super friend Kara Danvers ;)_

_Unknown: I know this is strange, but you see, Kara was in a terrible fight a few weeks ago and lost her memory… of the last five years. This means she has no memory of our friendship. I know that she came to visit with you a few months ago. She was asking about that time period last night and your visit came up. See, I know that she went to visit you, but that is all. So while she also doesn’t currently remember who you are, she asked if I could help arrange for you to meet and talk about whatever it is the two of you talked about the last time. Please get back to me at your earliest convenience when you are in my TIME zone (haha)_

_Unknown: I think she forgets that she probably also has your contact information._

Well, that is quite interesting. Looks like Kara and Lena had talked things out or were in the process of doing that before whatever happened to cause Kara’s memory problems. Sara also appreciates how Lena worked into the messages that she knows 1. Kara is Supergirl and 2. Sara is a time traveler.

“Babe, how would you feel about a trip to National City for the second half of this vacation?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s two days before Lena gets a response from Sara. She sighs out loud with relief when she sees the text reply.

_Sara L: Lucky for you, I am on a much needed vacation with my gf at the moment. Currently in Paris, catching a flight to National City today. We will meet you for dinner tonight so you can update us on Kara’s condition first. Then I can talk to Kara after that._

Lena smiles as she calls to tell Kara that Sara is coming to town. Kara is happy, but not as much as Lena. Kara also seems somewhat concerned about what this is going to reveal.

It isn’t until after Lena gets off the phone with Kara that she realizes she is also excited about the fact that she is about to meet a real life-time traveler. She starts making a mental list of questions for her, knowing that they will have to wait until after she talks to Kara, if she sticks around afterwards, that is.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara hangs up the phone and takes a deep breath. She has been trying to work on an article for Catco all day, from home, trying to “get back to normal” like Alex told her to do, but not feeling like she can really be around people right now. She told Alex she would still show up as Supergirl if she is really needed, but mostly she wants to focus on being Kara Danvers for a little while. Alex was concerned at first, but eventually relented. Kara grits her teeth in frustration thinking about Alex, who still refuses to really tell her much of anything from the past five years, saying that it is better if she remembers or discovers things “organically.” Kara hasn’t told her about the conversation she had with Lena. She certainly isn’t telling her about this Sara person coming over later tonight. She gets that Alex has been super busy at the DEO after the Alien attack. But she still feels a bit rejected by her sister. She has only come by twice to check on Kara over the past few weeks. She texts and occasionally calls. Kara has to wonder if this is their new normal and when it became this way. She sighs… knowing she is more upset with herself and her memory loss and is just looking for someone to take it out on… And thinks that maybe it is better Alex isn’t coming around so often for her to take all her emotions out on… Kara closes her laptop, giving up on the article for now and deciding to clean up her apartment for the company she has coming over later this evening.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sara and Ava arrive at Lena’s penthouse that evening, staring at it in awe. While Sara knew what Kara had told her about Lena (which, arguably, was a lot), she didn’t know a lot of facts about Lena, starting with the fact that she was a millionaire. Sure, Kara mentioned she was generous with her money. She just failed to mention how much money she had.

Lena ushered the two women in after they all introduced themselves. Lena thanked the two women for coming on such short notice. They sit down to eat as Lena goes into explaining exactly what happened to Kara to cause her memory loss three weeks ago.

“So, she really doesn’t remember you?” Sara says dumbfounded.

Lena sighs and meets Sara’s sad gaze. “No, nothing from anytime since a few months after she became Supergirl,” Lena answers in a tired, rugged voice. Saying it out loud like that felt like someone just punched Lena in the gut.

“I’m so sorry,” Ava says, reaching across the table and squeezing Lena’s hand gently. Lena gives her a grateful smile.

“What can we do to help?” Sara asks.

“Well, she has been trying to remember things simply by going back to work and doing her normal routine… and she quickly discovered that she was missing key memories of things that occurred last year… So, she ended up trying to read up on these events, including reading her own journal.”

“Uh oh,” Sara and Ava say in unison. This causes Lena to give a somewhat sarcastic chuckle. They know. They definitely know.

“Yeah, so she didn’t write exactly what happened this summer, but she wrote enough to know that something happened between us. And she asked me… and I told her.”

“And you know she then came to see me,” Sara finishes for her. Lena nods. “Exactly, I told her I know where she went but I did not know the extent of what was said. This is why, she then thought it would be good to talk to you again, to help her fill in the blanks of that trip, because during those three weeks, she didn’t write anything at all,” Lena finishes. She looks expectantly at Sara then, waiting to see how Sara will respond.

Sara looks back at Lena thoughtfully before responding. “Lena, you know, the Kara that came to see me a few months ago… that isn’t the same Kara that is here right now, right?” Lena’s eyes narrow slightly, unsure of where Sara is going with this question. She nods her once. “Good. Because this Kara, she doesn’t have any memory of the history you all share. But she also doesn’t have the memory of her other past key relationships.”

“Mon-El,” Lena remarks.

“Right. And well, without all of those other memories…”

“Sara, what exactly are you trying to imply here?” Lena has had enough of the indirectness. She wants to know exactly what Sara thinks is going on here. She notices Ava giving Sara a look. She isn’t sure exactly what it says, but if she had to guess, she thinks it is Ava telling Sara to tread carefully. Sara sees Ava’s expression before looking back to Lena, taking a breath and diving in.

“I’m concerned that you’re hoping that by me telling Kara what we talked about will make her come back to you. So, I’m concerned this is setting up false hope for you and I don’t want you to be disappointed. This Kara… might make a different decision,” Sara finishes, solemnly.

Lena is taken aback. Sara is showing genuine concern for Lena’s wellbeing, even though she had never met her before tonight. After a moment, Lena finds her words again.

“Look, Sara, I’m not naïve as to think Kara is suddenly going to fall in love with me after one conversation. I promise, this is not about me or what I want. Out of all the things to have to talk to Kara about from the past four years, this was not the thing I thought would come up first. I had hoped she would get her memories back before any of this had come up… Regardless, right now, the priority is Kara and what she wants and needs.”

This seemed to satisfy Sara, who nodded and simply said “Well, in that case, I should probably get going. If it’s ok with you, can Ava stay and keep you company while I go talk to Kara?”

“Of course, as a scientist, I might have been looking forward to getting to talk to a real live time traveler…” Lena says, chuckling slightly as Ava grins widely at Sara. Sara knows Ava will enjoy talking time travel with Lena while she is gone. Sara bids them both goodbye, kissing Ava on the cheek. As soon as Sara is out the door, Ava turns to Lena excitedly and simply says, “So, what do you want to know?” And that’s all it takes for Lena to launch into scientist mode with Ava. They spend the rest of the evening discussing the science behind time travel and the technology used, including the Waverider, time couriers, and jump ships.


	5. Chapter 5

Kara is sitting anxiously on her couch, staring blankly at the tv, not really watching whatever drama show is currently on. She is anxious but she isn’t exactly sure why. She apparently knows Sara fairly well… well enough to seek out her guidance a few months ago. She knows from Lena that they have fought together when she traveled to help other superheroes a couple times in the past, though Lena said she wasn’t sure of the details on all of the trips, just that one involved Nazi’s from an alternate universe. Kara nearly falls off the couch when there is a knock at her door. She uses her powers to hover instead, and then walks slowly to the door before opening it to a woman she wished so much she recognized.

“Hi, Kara, I’m Sara,” She says with a smile and a wave. Kara, returns her smile and stands to the side, signaling for her to come in. Kara walks over and sits on the couch. Sara follows her and sits down at the other end. Kara still hasn’t said anything, her anxiety kicking into overdrive now that Sara is actually here.

“So, Lena tells me that you wanted to talk about your visit to see me a few months ago.” Kara simply nods. Sara, sensing Kara’s anxiety, decides to try a different approach. “Hey, what if I tell you a little about me first, and maybe some of our experiences together? Would that help?” Kara seemed to perk up at that suggestion.

“I think it might… I’ve been trying to figure out why I went to talk to you about what happened with Lena.”

Well, at least Kara is talking now.

“Ah, that, I can answer easily for you actually.”

Kara’s eyes widen in surprise. “You can?”

“Yes. There were a couple of reasons you came to talk to me. First, you didn’t want to talk to anyone here about it. You said you wanted some distance.”

“And the second reason?” Kara asked.

“Well, you knew that I am attracted to both men and women, so you wanted to ask me about that experience specifically.”

Sara stopped talking after that, waiting for the impact of those words to sink in. Sara had decided on the way over here to be straight with Kara and answer any questions she asked. As Lena said, this is about Kara and what she needs right now. And right now, she needs answers.

Kara sinks back into the couch a bit at this last admission. “How? How did I know that about you? Have we?”

“No! No no, Kara. Not saying I wouldn’t have, but um… No. Ok, let me back up here. Do you remember Barry Allen?”

“Yes! I met him, the Flash, when he accidentally traveled to my universe.”

“Right, but now, we all merged into one universe.”

“Oh, right, I remember that was one of the events that occurred last year that Alex showed me that Supergirl helped with.”

“Right. So, we are all here now on this Earth. Anyway, Barry is a bit of a gossip and he told you all about his other vigilant friend, Oliver Queen, the”

“The Green Arrow!” Kara exclaims, remembering Barry telling her about Oliver.

Again, Sara laughs. “Right, well, at some point in your interactions with Barry, he told you about Ollie’s dating history… with me and my sister.”

Kara looks at Sara and pauses for a moment… “Lance… as in… Laurel Lance? You’re Laurel Lance’s little sister. The one that went down on the boat with Oliver?”

“There you go, Kara. Now, that is a very long story. Just know, I’m hard to kill. Or at least, I don’t stay dead for long,” Sara finishes with a sly grin.

“Ok ok but wait… when did I learn that you were also… into girls?”

This question actually makes Sara laugh a little out loud. “Well, a couple of years ago, you and your sister Alex attended Barry’s wedding…”

“And you brought a date?” Kara implored.

“Um… no. Your sister and I hooked up the night before the wedding.”

“Wait… Alex is gay?”

That was not the response Sara expected. Nor was she sure even how to start to answer it. She kind of just turned her head like a dog does when it’s confused.

“Um… yes, can confirm, she is most definitely gay. But Kara, maybe this is something you should talk to Alex about?”

“Right, right… sorry. Um… ok, so I reached out to you to talk about what happened with Lena.”

“Yeah…”

_Sara had just returned to the Waverider with the team from a mission in feudal Japan. While they were all drinking and celebrating, Sara was exhausted and decided to take a much needed nap. She awoke about an hour later to Gideon’s voice._

_“Sorry to interrupt Captain Lance. But I thought you’d like to know, Supergirl is attempting to contact you.”_

_Sara bolts up out of bed at the mention of Kara Danvers, concerned Earth might be in trouble and need some backup._

_“What does the message say?”_

_“Well Captain, the message says, ‘how did you know you liked girls the way you like boys?’”_

_Sara sits on the bed, too stunned to move or ask any more questions._

_“Captain, should I send a reply?” Gideon probes. This helps snap Sara out of her stupor._

_“Um… What? No. No Gideon, do not send a reply. Just, send the message to a jump ship with Kara’s location. I’ll go to her.”_

_Sara finds Ava on her way to a jump ship, lets her know that she will be in charge while she goes to talk to Kara. She tells her she shouldn’t be gone long._

_Kara was still on the deserted island she found on Earth, having just sent the text to Sara, hoping she wasn’t in some weird time adventure and would respond sometime soon. She had already been gone two weeks and was no closer to figuring out her feelings… She hoped that finally talking to someone would help. Kara sighs, but decided to enjoy her time while she waited. She laid down on her towel, taking no time at all to fall asleep on the beach, soaking up the sun._

_It was a few hours later when Kara was awoken to a loud noise, as the jump ship cruised to a landing near her. She had rolled over on the sand, jumping up ready to attack before recognizing the ship. She then picked up her towel, throwing on her shorts and a shirt on her way over to greet Sara. As Sara is walking exiting the ship with a concerned smile, Kara suddenly feels a bit embarrassed about the message she sent her._

_“You didn’t have to come the whole way here to see me…” She says, trailing off and looking down at her feet in the sand._

_“Well, we certainly were not going to have this conversation on the Waverider. Trust me, there is no privacy on that ship. Now, come on, let’s find a place to sit down and talk…”_

_Sara helped ease Kara’s concerns and embarrassment a bit with that sentiment. This probably wasn’t a conversation to be had over text or phone anyway. Kara suggests that maybe they use the cloaking device on the ship and get off the deserted island and head back to civilization for some food, suggesting they can stay at a hotel. She asks where Sara would like to visit. Sara simply says, “Just not Japan.” They settle for going to Auckland, New Zealand, which wasn’t too far from where Kara was in the first place. But was also far removed from National City still. Kara still felt very unprepared to return home and face Lena._

_Sara notices that Kara makes small talk and attempts to catch up with Sara on their way to New Zealand and as they find accommodations and food. It isn’t until they are at dinner that Sara finally decided to broach the subject of the original message._

_“So, Kara… what was this message of yours about, really?”_

_“My best friend, Lena, she… kissed me.”_

_Sara chuckles and Kara glares at her before blurting “What?!” Sara puts her hands up, palms towards Kara. “Sorry, it’s just… well, Alex mentioned at Barry’s wedding that she thought… well that, you two might have a thing for each other…”_

_Kara just stares at Sara in disbelief._

_“Sara that was over two years ago.”_

_“Which is why I laughed when I found out that things just now happened between the two of you. According to a very drunken Alex, she really thought things were going to happen a lot sooner…”_

_“I’m going to kill my sister.”_

_“Hey, don’t blame her. She was very intoxicated. I’m not even sure she remembers telling me to be honest. She could barely remember my name the next day, after all.”_

_Kara sighs, looking down, realizing she had been squeezing her silverware so hard she had broken them in two. She puts them down and puts her hands together, knowing that she can’t break her own hands… she is pretty sure._

_“Moving on… I just don’t know how to feel about it. I’ve been trying to figure things out and I can’t. That’s why I sent the message.”_

_“Ok, so Kara. Let me ask you this. You love Alex, right? And your adopted parents, yes?” Kara nods. “And you love Lena?” Sara asks, already knowing the answer. Kara nods anyway. “The way that you love Lena, does that feel the same to you?”_

_Kara leans back in her chair and thinks about that question for a moment, before responding simply, “It’s different.”_

_Sara follows it up with another question. “Have you been in love before Kara?”_

_“Yes… once… Mon-El,” She answers, smiling somewhat sadly at the memories._

_“Ok. So, the way that you loved Mon-El. And the way that you love Lena. How do those compare?”_

_Kara thinks back to Mon-El. She remembers how scared she was to admit she had feelings for him, how terrified she was to pursue a relationship with him because of who she was. She remembers how difficult the relationship was. But she also remembers being proud of the man he eventually became, even though it wasn’t with her by his side, but with Imra. Kara has already been through so many more obstacles and challenges with Lena as a friend than she went through with Mon-El as a friend or as a couple. This seems to have amplified her feelings._

_“I think… they are similar, but more amplified, much stronger, when it comes to Lena.”_

_“Ok, Kara, I have to ask. What’s holding you back?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“You clearly love this woman. You have loved her for years if I am to believe your sister. So, the question then is, what is holding you back from opening yourself up to that potential relationship. Clearly Lena also wants it after that kiss.”_

_“You don’t understand Sara. We have put each other through hell… And that was when we were just friend… What if we do even worse to each other as a couple?”_

_There it was, that was the fear Kara was carrying with her that she didn’t know she had before now. She was terrified she would devastate Lena in a way that was worse than what she had done last year. And as a result, Lena would again lash out to hurt her in return. What could she do that was worse that trapping her in an enclosed space with kryptonite and shutting her out of her life for six months?_

_Sara simply nodding as Kara finally verbalized the fear that she finally figured out was holding her back, letting it sink in for Kara before continuing to talk._

_“All relationships come with risk of getting hurt, obviously. But Kara, you get to decide what’s worth the risk to you. But if I’m being honest, this does sound like it is a conversation you need to have with Lena, so she understands where you are coming from, regardless of what you ultimately decide.” Kara simply nods at Sara’s suggestion, knowing she is right. She has to talk to Lena, to make her understand why she is holding back. It isn’t because she doesn’t have feelings or because she doesn’t want to be with her. It is this deep-rooted fear she has that it is all going to explode in her face. She is utterly terrified of this happening._

Sara finishes telling Kara about their conversation, about her advice to that version of Kara, at that time. Kara doesn’t say a word the entire time, simply sits back and takes all of the information in, making a mental list of questions for herself to figure out later.

_Mon-El?_

_Lena trapped me in kryptonite?_

_Alex is gay?!_

_Alex slept with Sara!?_

_What did I decide when I got back and talked to Lena?_

“So, wait, I was gone another week after that conversation, right?” Kara asks Sara, who nods, confirming the timeline of events.

“We met up the next morning for breakfast to talk some more, when I received a distress call from Ava on the Waverider. I told you I needed to return to the ship and you asked if you could join me back on the Waverider for a few days, saying that you weren’t quite ready to return to National City and face Lena, but that you also didn’t want to be alone. You ended up helping us on a mission while you were on the ship…” Sara trails off, not sure whether she should get into this part of the story or not, as she isn’t sure how much of what happened on this mission played a part into Kara’s decision originally.

“Mission? What mission?” Kara seemed excited to hear about helping on a time traveling adventure. Sara sighed, knowing she can’t get away with not telling Kara what happened now that she asked about it.

“Um… well, to be honest, the mission itself is a bit of a long story… The important part of the story though, that you might want to know…” Sara stalls out at this point, not wanting to tell Kara the truth. She isn’t sure Kara actually told anyone back on Earth what happened, including Lena or Alex. She looks over at Kara though, who is staring at her, her emotions clearly written on her face. Kara is desperate for answers to any part of her life over the past five years. Sara takes in a deep breath before continuing. “Well, our mission involved time travel into the future… And during the fight, you almost died.”

Kara leans back again. “When you say almost died…”

“I mean, we thought you were dead Kara, because for a short while, you were. We got you back to the ship and luckily, Gideon was able to facilitate yellow sun radiation at a rapid rate, which provided enough energy to jumpstart your system.”

Kara’s jaw is hanging open. All she can manage to whisper is “How?”

“It wasn’t expected, but the villains somehow knew you’d be with us and were all armed with kryptonite powered weapons. You didn’t stand a chance. We had to retreat and get you back to the ship and once we knew you’d be ok, I sent a team back out to finish the mission while I stayed on the ship with you.”

“… and then?”

“Once the timeline was fixed, the mission was complete. You woke up a couple days later, completely healed. To be honest, you were gone for the extra week mostly because you were unconscious for half of it. But when you woke up and were completely healed, you said it was time and you knew what you wanted. So we dropped you back off in National City.”

Kara thanks Sara profusely for coming and talking to her on such short notice, again, apparently. Sara laughed and said she is there for Kara, anytime, noting that it feels good to actually be able to talk to Kara and help in a way that isn’t when the entire word is ending. This causes both of them to laugh way more than they probably should have. They also figured out why Kara couldn’t find Sara’s contact information in Kara’s phone. She had apparently saved it under the name “Time Traveling Assassin Badass”. Sara did not complain in the least.

After Sara parts, Kara calls Alex. Enough is enough. She is done with Alex avoiding her and not telling her things. She can’t keep waiting for her memories to return or for herself to figure things out. She has questions and she wants answers. Now.

“Kara, hey! I was just about to call you.”

“You were?”

“Yes. J’onn is back from Mars, with M’gann. He might be able to restore your memories.”


	6. Chapter 6

Kara almost forgets to hang up the phone, she wants to fly to the DEO so fast so that J’onn can fix her memories. She is so hopefully this will work, and life will finally be back to normal. But Kara takes a breath, thanking Alex, asking if now is a good time to come to the DEO to try this and when Alex says yes, then Kara speed changes clothes and heads that way. Once at the DEO, Alex takes Kara into a secure room where J’onn is waiting. He greets her with one of his warmest hugs.

“I’ve missed you,” he tells her. Kara hugs him back tightly, thanking Rao for finally seeing a familiar face. J’onn has been on Mars with M’gann for months, helping her and the other white Martians with rebuilding homes into a small civilized society on part of the planet. While he is happy to see what is becoming of his former home planet, he knows it is no longer his home and has decided to return to Earth permanently and has invited M’gann to join him. While she is here with him now, he isn’t sure whether she has decided to stay or not.

“So, how will this work?” Kara immediately asks after breaking the hug. It is clear to both Alex and J’onn how eager she is to get her memories back.

“Well, I will try to use my psychic abilities to search your brain and bring those memories back to the forefront so that you can access them. Given that you are a willing participant in this, hopefully it will be a smooth process for us both.”

Kara nods and lays down on the hospital bed that has been rolled into the room for her. John follows her and pulls up a chair. He puts his middle and index fingers to Kara’s temple, closing his eyes to concentrate. Kara closes her eyes as well, unsure if she will be able to see or feel anything while he is working. She takes a few deep breaths as she waits. It’s a few minutes before J’onn speaks again.

“I’m sorry Kara.”

With this, Kara opens her eyes and looks at J’onn. He is looking at her with such sorrow in his eyes. She can only stare back, unsure what the problem is.

“What’s wrong, J’onn?” Alex asks, prompting him from across the room.

“I cannot find any memories within Kara from the last five years. Even ones that I know her and I would have shared together. It is as if they have been removed from her brain completely.”

Kara stares at him in disbelief. “How is that even possible?” She whispers.

Suddenly Kara and J’onn both hear Alex mumble “Oh no.” They turn to face her and wait for her to speak. “Kara, we have to find out what happened on that ship during that Alien attack last month. I’m starting to think your memory problems aren’t from the fall you had from that ship, but from whatever happened in the ship itself…”

Kara flies straight home from the DEO and dives into a carton of ice cream. She can’t believe it didn’t work. And further, that apparently her memories aren’t just lost in her head somewhere… they were taken from her. Why would someone do that to her?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara spends the next few days locked in her apartment eating take out and sulking. She doesn’t answer any texts or phone calls from anyone. Alex, sick of being ignored, finally shows up at her door and uses the spare key to let herself in. She finds Kara laying on the couch.

“Kara…”

“What?”

“I’ve been texting and calling for three days. What is going on?”

“You know what’s going on. Someone literally took the last five years of my life away from me. I have no memories of it. It is all gone.”

“I know. So, you’re just going to lay here and wallow?”

“Yes.”

Alex sighs, not sure what to do with this version of Kara. The last time she saw Kara act like this… She was upset about Lena. And before that it was because of Mon-El. This is for a completely different reason. Kara has been violated at a level most people can’t even imagine. And to make matters worse, this version of Kara hasn’t been through some of the tougher things that her Kara has, so she isn’t aware of just how emotional and mentally tough she truly is yet.

“Why did it take you three days to come check on me?” Kara asks, bringing Alex back from her train of thought.

“What do you mean? I thought you could use some space.”

“Space? You must give me A LOT of space in the future, or well, the present.”

“What’s that supposed to mean Kara?”

“You know what it means Alex. Seriously, you never hang out with me. You barely call or text. You won’t tell me anything about what’s happened over the last five years. Hell, I had to find out from Sara that you’re gay!?”

Kara knows she just said too much, that she is lashing out at Alex because of how angry she is at whoever took her memories. But she can’t punch whoever did that. And she can’t really punch Alex. So, this is what she is doing instead, hurting her emotionally. She knows she will feel bad about it later, but right now she just can’t seem to make herself care.

Alex, however, had figured that this was coming from Kara and doesn’t lash back. She instead, takes a deep breath.

“Kara, I introduced you to Kelly. I’m sorry if I didn’t specify that she is my girlfriend. And that I didn’t take the time to come out all over again to you… to be honest I wasn’t exactly sure how to do that again. The first time was hard enough… And I know I have been hard on you to have your memories come back to you naturally. And that I have left you alone to figure that out. That was before I knew that wasn’t possible.”

This last statement gets Kara’s attention, she sits up a little and looks up at Alex. “Does this mean you’ll tell me things now?”

“Most stuff, yes, but a lot has happened over the last five years. Why don’t we order some food and get started?” Alex finishes with a smile.

“Potstickers and pizza?” Kara asks, finally giving her sister a smile back.

The sisters spend the day together and Alex attempts to fill Kara in on what has happened over the last five years. She focuses in on the big bads that Supergirl has fought, including the Daxamite Invasion, Reign, Agent Liberty, Lex Luthor, and Leviathan. Kara asks a lot more questions about Lex than the others. Alex is sure she knows the reasons why but doesn’t question it. She just does her best to answer Kara’s questions and fill in all the blanks as best she can.

“Alex, who was Mon-El?”

Alex is surprised that Kara knew that name. “Where’d you read that name?”

“Oh, Sara mentioned him.”

“Wait wait wait, this is the second time you’ve mentioned Sara. When did you talk to Sara?”

Kara smiles sheepishly, before telling Alex about her conversation with Lena and then asking to talk to Sara. She doesn’t go into detail about anything but does tell Alex that apparently when she took vacation a few months ago, that she went to visit Sara. Alex seemed to buy that, for now.

“Have you talked to Lena about anything else?” Alex probes.

“Um… no, not yet. But Sara mentioned… did Lena trap me using kryptonite?”

Alex visibly shutters at that memory, at finding Kara trapped in the Fortress of Solitude like that, completely broken. She sighs, not really wanting to go into that story too deeply.

“To be honest Kara, this is probably a story best shared between you and Lena, but the short version is that before you could tell Lena you were Supergirl, Lex did and it… kind of broke Lena. That led her to do a series of actions that ultimately led to her trapping you in kryptonite so she could steal tech from the fortress. You broke her so she broke you…”

“That was the falling out we had?” Kara asks for her own clarification.

Alex chuckles. “Um… yes, that was the ‘falling out’ you had. It nearly caused a global crisis. You and I got into a big fight on how to handle Lena afterward. It was not pretty. And then crisis happened.”

“Crisis?” Alex explained the crisis event and how the earths were all merged. Kara remembered Sara mentioning this now though Alex filled in a lot of the gaps that were there before. Through out the explanation, Alex tried to focus on the facts and steer clear of anything involving Lena. That was difficult, however, given how the Monitor brought Lex back to life and the overall role that Lex played in the events.

“What happened between me and Lena after Crisis?” Kara finally asked.

“Well, my understanding is you went and tried to ask her to work with you, as Supergirl and she ultimately decided to work with Lex instead… You were pretty torn up about the entire thing until Myx showed up.”

“Who?” This led into the story of the fifth dimensional being and how he helped Kara figure out that there was never going to be a perfect or right time to tell Lena the truth about her secret identity. “You never told me or J’onn exactly what you saw in these other versions of reality, just that you were now more at peace with the way things had to be right now. I do know you went and talked to Lena that very night. You never told me exactly what you said, but that was the last time you talked to her until after Jeremiah died when she approached you at Catco and gave you a book.”

“Wow. That’s…”

“A lot… yeah. I know. You two have been through so much, particularly in the past two years.”

Alex reaches out and gives Kara a side hug on the couch, pulling her in. Kara lays her head on Alex’s shoulder and closes her eyes. She can’t believe all of the things that have happened over the last five years. It’s all so much.

“Oh… you asked about Mon-El.” Alex suddenly remembers.

Kara, not sure she can take more information tonight, sighs, but then her curiosity gets the better of her. “I did… Sara mentioned him. Who was he?”

“He crash-landed here about a year after you became Supergirl… You two dated… You remember the Daxamite invasion I mentioned? His mother was responsible for that…”

“Wait!” Kara exclaims, sitting up. “I dated a Daxamite?!” She says with shock and mild disgust on her face and in her voice. Alex laughs at this and, deciding they both need a good laugh, she adds “Not only did you date a Daxamite, you dated the Prince of Daxam.”

Alex wishes she had been able to take a picture of the look on Kara’s face in that very moment.

Priceless.

The two sisters spend the rest of the evening cuddling on the couch, eating more pizza and potstickers, watching old movies, and catching up. Kara finally asks Alex about her love life and her hook up with Sara. Alex laughs out loud as they talk about Sara. She sighs but smiles as she tells Kara about Maggie and her coming to terms with her own identity and sexuality, and the reason they ultimately didn’t work out. And then she spends the most time talking about her relationship with Kelly and how it formed out of a strong friendship. Kara smiles widely as Alex talks about Kelly. She can tell just how happy Alex is with Kelly. She can see now why maybe her and Alex don’t spend quite as much time together now as they did five years ago. And she is suddenly ok with that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara finally talks to Lena...

Kara decides to spend the weekend to herself, reading her journals from the last five years, in order, now that she has a better sense of the larger events and relationships that she has had thanks to Alex. While she could speed read through them, she decides to take her time, reading at a normal pace, while also referencing some of the Catco articles she wrote, some DEO files Alex let her “borrow”, and whatever she could find on the internet about some events. She reads about her impressions after first meeting (and consequently saving) Lena. She reads about how a few weeks later, Lena actually helps take down her mother the first time by pretending to work with her, though she didn’t actually tell anyone that was what she was doing. Kara wonders if she had been honest with Lena early on, maybe Lena would have trusted her then… but then she remembers what Alex told her about Myx and how she apparently tried to fix the past but it never worked out. She wished she could remember those alternate realities and what happened in them…

Kara also reads a little bit about Mon-El in her journals, but she is surprised to see she doesn’t write as much about him as she did about Lena. And when she does write about him, it tends to be because he did something infuriating… This apparently happened often when she was trying to teach him how to be a hero and when they were first becoming friends and then dating. Kara reads her own emotions, about how she feels guilty for having to send Mon-El into space in her old pod, thinking that she probably sent him to his death. She knows from Alex that he returned 7 months later, from the future… married to an amazing woman. But somehow, through all of that, Kara and Mon-El somehow worked through their history and baggage and developed a strong bond as friends in the end. Mon-El had become the man Kara always believed he could be. He returned to the future where he was needed when the time came.

As Kara reads about her own life, it’s like she is reading a fantasy novel. She can hear her own voice in the words, but they spark no recollection or emotion in herself. It is truly like someone else lived this life. She still feels like she is the 24-year-old who just a few months ago, chose to save a crashing plane simply because her sister was on it and she couldn’t lose her. And because of that one act, she decided to become Supergirl. But here she is, waking up to find out she is now a 29-year-old woman who has loved and lost, conquered foes she could never have imagined facing, and is now a Pulitzer winning reporter at Catco. It’s like she woke up, about to turn 30, living most of her dreams…

Kara sighs… closing the last of her journals, the one she had already read from… the one that seemed to be the saddest and darkest of them all. It talks a lot about her fight with Lena. Her regret for not telling her sooner. How lost she feels without Lena in her life. The hole she feels in her heart. It’s all just so… depressing. How could she feel all of this about someone who used kryptonite against her? Kara feels so conflicted by all of this information. The relationship she had with Lena… she just didn’t quite understand it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, across town, Lena is at Lcorp, choosing to throw herself into work, even on the weekends. She knows it isn’t the best way to cope, but she knows that Kara needs space to figure things out and she needs space to try to remember things on her own terms.

That’s why she was so surprised when Alex Danvers knocks on her office door.

“Lena, hey… can we talk?”

“Of course, is everything alright with Kara?” Lena’s mind immediately jumping to conclusions, concerned that they missed something from the fall Kara took.

“Yes, she is ok. But I thought you would want to know. J’onn returned from Mars and attempted to help Kara with returning her memory.”

“Attempt… as in, it failed?” Lena clarified.

“Right. He said that it was as if the memories were completely wiped from her mind, like they were purposefully removed.”

Lena just stares at Alex for a moment, trying to process this information, as a scientist.

“The alien ship, before she fell back to Earth,” Lena hypothesizes, out loud. Alex nods, following her train of thought. Lena continues, “They did something to Kara before she fell back to Earth. So, it wasn’t the fall that caused the memory loss. It was whatever they did to her.”

“We think so. That would explain why we lost contact with her so suddenly. And why she was unconscious and suddenly falling back to the Earth,” Alex explains.

Lena leans back in her desk chair for a moment, processing all of this information before her emotions hit her. She looks over to Alex, who is staring at her expectantly, like she has been waiting for this next part to dawn on Lena.

“Oh… so there is no chance that Kara will remember me,” Lena says, barely audible.

Alex nods, “Yeah… it looks that way. I’m so sorry Lena.” Lena doesn’t respond to Alex, not really. She simply sits there, staring, unsure of how to take this new information. Before, she had hope that Kara would at least eventually remember some of their past, if not all of it. Now, it looks like Kara isn’t capable of it, period. Alex waits a few more minutes to see if Lena wants to discuss anything else. Lena finally thanks Alex for delivering this news, and Alex takes that as a cue to leave.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the visit from Alex, when the shock of the news finally wears off, Lena sends Kara a simple text message.

_3:20pm Lena: Alex told me about what happened with J’onn. I’m so sorry Kara. Please know that I am here if you need anything at all, whatever, whenever._

Lena does not receive a reply. In fact, Lena doesn’t hear from Kara for another two weeks. It takes Kara two weeks to work up the courage to talk to Lena.

_10:27am Kara: Can we talk, in person?_

_11:52am Lena: Of course, tonight? 8?_

_12:05pm Kara: Sure._

_12:11pm Lena: Where would you like to meet?_

_12:20pm Kara: Your place this time?_

_12:25pm Lena: Of course._

Kara feels silly because she realizes a few hours later she has to text and ask Lena for her address. Lena, somehow sensing Kara’s embarrassment, assures her that she has no reason to feel bad, and tells her she is excited for her to see her penthouse.

Upon arriving, Kara can’t help but wonder how she befriended someone who can afford to live in a penthouse… a literally penthouse.

Lena opens the door up, standing aside ushering Kara in. “You know, I’m a little surprised you didn’t just fly over and come in through the balcony… but I guess I didn’t tell you that was how you would normally come in…” Lena finishes, trailing off, not sure if she should have mentioned the balcony now or not. Kara looks back to Lena and then back down the hallway to the balcony as she enters the penthouse. She takes a moment to take it all in.

“Would you like to sit down… or maybe some tea?” Lena asks, trying to prompt Kara after she stood staring out the balcony windows for a few minutes.

“Um… no thank you… I just…” Kara’s hands are now tied together in front of her, anxiously pulling each other. “I just came here to ask you something, I guess.” Kara is still looking out towards the balcony.

“Ok… what is it?” Lena walks up beside Kara, looking outward as well, not wanting to push too hard. Kara finally turns to face Lena, so Lena mirrors her. However, Kara can’t seem to look her in the face, she instead looks down at the ground as she begins to talk.

“Ever since I’ve lost my memory… you’ve been so kind to me… so understanding…You’ve told me a few times that you are here if I need you for anything… but you have given me my own time and space to sort through things myself… and when I did reach out… you were honest with me from the beginning about anything that I asked you about… even when it was uncomfortable for you… even reaching out and having Sara come talk to me…”

Kara finally looks Lena in the eyes. Lena can see that Kara’s eyes are full of sadness and pain. “But you are also the person who used kryptonite on me…”

Lena takes a physically step back, away from Kara. What can she say about her actions on that day? How can she even begin to talk about and tell the story of their relationship to Kara?

“I’m just… I’ve been trying to understand for two weeks now how you’re the same person. How the person I would have movie nights and weekly lunches with and help save the world with is also the person who manipulated me and used the one substance in the world that can really hurt me against me…” Kara trails off, fighting back tears, taking a few deep breaths before continuing. “Alex said that I broke you… so you broke me… Please help me understand,” she finishes.

After remembering to breath again, Lena walks over and sits down on the couch, putting her head in her hands, trying to collect herself. Kara doesn’t move, simply watches Lena’s actions. After a few more moments of silence, Lena finally looks up to Kara and speaks.

“Kara… There is no action I regret more than my behavior that day in the fortress. But I can’t take it back, I can’t change it. There is no explanation I can give you that will take away the betrayal and hurt you are feeling now. And I won’t cheapen your pain by trying to give you one. Just know that Alex is right, she just left a part of it out. You broke my heart, so I wanted to break yours,” Lena finishes.

The two women don’t say anything for quite a while after that. Lena goes back to putting her head in her hands, quietly crying to herself. Kara goes back to staring out the balcony, trying to process what Lena just said. Lena doesn’t look up again, assuming that Kara would just let herself out when she is ready. It’s a good 20 minutes before Kara finally speaks again.

“But we did eventually fix it, after that, didn’t we?” Kara asks Lena, startling her slightly. While she was no longer crying, she was deep in thought and self-loathing about her actions in the Fortress of Solitude that day. She wipes her eyes and her tear-stained cheeks as she looks up to see Kara, who has walked over and is standing by the couch.

“Eventually, yes.”

Kara nods. “Lena… when I got back from my visit with Sara… what did I tell you? What did I… we… decide?”

Lena’s eyes go wide in surprise. She did not expect the conversation to go in this direction.

_It had been three weeks since Kara took her “vacation.” Only Lena knew why Kara actually went away. And so far, Lena had left her alone. But three weeks?! Surely it didn’t take her this long to figure things out. Come on! Lena was concerned something might have actually happened to her best friend. She was sitting at her home, debating with herself over a glass of wine whether to just try calling her to check in despite what Kara asked for. Surely Kara would understand, right? That was when Lena heard footsteps on her balcony. She glanced over to see Supergirl standing there, in the doorway._

_“Hi Lena, may I come in?” Lena simply nodded, not trusting herself to talk just yet. Really all she wanted was to run up and hug Kara. She was tired of having space from Kara. Those months of not speaking was enough space from Kara to last her a lifetime. As Kara came into the penthouse, she dematerialized her suit to reveal a pair of jeans with a white top and blue cardigan. Lena took a big gulp to finish off her glass of wine, unsure of how this conversation was about to go, but figuring she might need the alcohol either way. Kara looked at Lena over her glasses and gave her a small, anxious smile, not sure where to start. Lena, with some alcohol already circulating in her system, figured she would help move this conversation along._

_“So… good trip?” She asked._

_“Well… it helped me see some things more clearly,” Kara said broadly._

_“Oh? Lena says, raising her eyebrow and smirking slightly, patiently waiting for Kara to continue._

_Kara finally comes over and joins Lena on the couch before continuing. “Yeah…” Kara says as she smiles and looks at Lena. “I guess the first thing it helped me figure out is that not only do I love you… but that I am in love with you.” Kara pauses after this and reaches for Lena’s hand. Lena returns Kara’s smile and squeezes Kara’s hand as their fingers intertwine. Kara takes a breath, basking in how it feels to hold Lena’s hand again, before she continues. “The other thing it helps me realize is that what was holding me back is the fear of what we could do to each other if we hurt each other again… because of what happened this past year.” Again, Kara pauses to let this information sink in for Lena. But she doesn’t let go of Lena’s hand. She looks down at their hands and then back up to Lena as she continues. Lena is staring at her intently, her expression unreadable. “The final thing this trip made me realize… is that even with that fear… I know I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t give us a try.” Kara pulls their intwined hands up to kiss Lena’s before putting them back down and looking to Lena again._

_Lena is staring deep into Kara’s blue eyes. Kara simply stares back into Lena’s green ones and waits. All Lena can manage to mutter in response to Kara’s confessions is “That must have been some trip.” Kara chuckles at this and says “Yes… it was. Which brings me to the other thing I want to discuss with you.”_

_The infamous eyebrow again raises though Lena doesn’t say anything out loud as she waits for Kara to continue. “Well, I would like for us to… go to therapy… together.”_

_“I’m sorry… you what?” Lena is a literal genius, but she would have never guessed that this was where this conversation was going. She has no idea how to process this request._

_“I know it might be a weird request, to start therapy at the start of a relationship. But I feel like maybe we have been more than friends for a while but just didn’t know it… and we have been through so much already… there has been so much hurt and betrayal… and I think it would be good for us.”_

_“Kara… you are a literal superhero… I am a Luthor… we can’t exactly just go into a random office of someone.”_

_“There are special psychologists who work with… high profile individuals… like celebrities… Kelly has a colleague from graduate school that is one… She actually gave me their information ages ago… ‘just in case’ she had said. So, she wouldn’t even have to know I was going now… or that you were going with me.”_

_“Don’t you think celebrities are different from superheroes, Kara?” Lena challenges._

_“Honestly… not really. Everyone wants to know about their private lives, just like mine. I think maybe I get more death threats… though you as a celebrity, give me a run for my money…” Kara says with a grin._

_Lena sighs. “Alright Kara, I’ll tell you what. You give me the contact information of this professional and I will do my own background check. If they check out, then yes, we can go see them.”_

_“Really?!” Kara exclaims._

_Lena laughs “Yes.”_

_“That was easier than I thought. I had an entire hope speech prepared for this part!”_

“Wait, Lena, we’ve been going to therapy together?” At this point, Kara sits down, clearly surprised by this turn of events.

“Yes Dar… Kara, we were. No one else knew. We were only a few months into it when you lost your memory.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” Kara asks this, seeming genuinely puzzled about this new piece of information.

Lena lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Kara, when your sister Alex first told me about what had happened to you, I was utterly devastated. I just sat there, in a DEO conference room, unsure of what to do. I could feel it then, my heart breaking, all over again. Because after all we had been through, it had felt like we were finally working towards something… great. And then it was all just ripped away… but then it dawned on me… that only one of us had to deal with that heart break. You didn’t have to. You had been unburdened by it all, in an instant. That was before we knew, of course, that your memories were taken from you…” Lena falters, slightly, before continuing. “What I mean to say, Kara, is that, I realized in that moment that for you, I could take on that burden, the heartbreak, and give you what you need to put your life back together, whether you got your memories back or not… whether you wanted me in your life or not... As long as you were happy, or at least working towards being happy, that’s what is most important to me.”

“That’s why you haven’t pushed anything with me… not even a friendship,” Kara states more than asks.

“That’s right. Kara, I’m a Luthor. You’re a Super. You and I both know how that looks from the outside. Optics is everything. And if I woke up with no memory of our relationship… but knowing the relationship between my brother and your cousin… Well, I would be suspicious too. I don’t blame you for that.” Kara never told anyone she was suspicious of Lena, not even Alex. She had some fleeting thoughts about it, sure. But they never made sense at all. Not until she learned what Lena did when she found out that Kara was Supergirl. But even then, there was this gut feeling in Kara that didn’t sit right. She could tell Lena was different from Lex. She just didn’t know why.

The women grow quiet again after Lena’s last statement, unsure of what to say next. Lena stands up and goes to make herself some tea to busy her hands.

“Lena… I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

“I know you are Kara. But I’ve survived worse. I promise I will survive this too.” Lena says all of this with her back to Kara as she makes her tea. She knows she can’t look at Kara as she says it. She will break down crying if she does.

Kara’s mind is racing with all of this new information, feeling even more overwhelmed than it was when she arrived. She is again overcome with this feeling of being an imposter, like she is living someone else’s life. How could so much have happened between her and this woman standing on front of her? So much pain and hurt and betrayal… all for what, exactly? Kara hadn’t really even considered dating women before. She felt like she stuck out enough, trying to fit in as the last of her kind, pretending to be human, so she always dated men. It never bothered her since she was pansexual. She just never talked about it, with anyone, not even Alex.

“Lena…” Kara says it in a way, asking Lena to turn around and face her. She can visibly see Lena take a deep breath before she turns around to face her.

“Yes?”

“You have all these memories and feelings associated with me… And… And I… well I don’t… and hearing them… it’s all a bit…”

“Overwhelming?” Lena offers.

“Yeah…” Kara confirms. “And I can see it, you know, how hard it is, for you, all of this.” Kara gestures with her hands, at herself, her head, and their surroundings. Lena doesn’t deny Kara’s claim. “It makes me wonder if maybe we are better off having some distance from each other,” Kara finishes.

Lena doesn’t argue with Kara. She doesn’t plead with her. She doesn’t disagree. She simply replies, “Whatever you think is best, Kara.” Lena breaks her own heart when she says it.

“I think… I should probably go then. Thank you for sharing everything you did with me.”

Lena looks deeply into Kara’s eyes, maybe for the last time. “You can ask me anything, anytime, you know that. I’m here whenever you need me. My offer always stands, ok? Always.” Lena says it firmly, wanting to make sure Kara hears her. Kara meets her eyes and nods. Both women stare at each other for a moment, knowing this is the last time Kara will ask Lena for help.

Kara turns and walks out onto the balcony, donning her Supergirl suit as she does. She takes off into the night air, but not before glancing back just once to see Lena standing there, watching her fly away.

Lena manages to wait until Kara takes off into the crisp night air to let the tears finally come.

Kara hears the sobs the entire way back to her apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should apologize for the way this chapter ended... I swear this story is writing itself... I will post the next chapter soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up one year after Kara lost her memories... Find out what our two leading ladies have been up to...

It has been one year since the alien attack that took down Supergirl and took Kara away from Lena. She hasn’t heard a word from Kara since that day in her penthouse except for one letter, though she knows Kara is doing quite well for herself. Lena reads all of her wonderfully written articles for Catco of course. And Alex keeps Lena updated on Supergirl’s adventures when they get dinner every few weeks. Alex tells Lena that Kara is doing well, though Lena can always tell Alex seems to be holding something back. Lena doesn’t push though.

It was a month after that day in the penthouse that Alex came into Lcorp and asked to talk to Lena. Lena and Alex, while never that close, were always generally respectful of each other and usually worked well together. The day she came into Lcorp, though, changed the dynamic of their relationship. Alex made it clear that Kara didn’t tell her exactly what happened between Lena and her, but simply told Alex that she found it all too overwhelming and thought it best that they keep their distance. And that is why, it was Alex who hand delivered a letter from Kara, upon her request.

_Lena – I’m sorry to do this by letter, but I’ve always been a better writer than talking (though you probably already know that). I’ve been thinking about everything that I have learned about my life over the last five years, particularly everything that has happened with us, between us… And it’s a lot. To be honest, I’m still not really sure how to process most of it because I feel like the person who experienced all of those things was a different person… or just wasn’t me… I’m not really sure how to explain it. You have this relationship with me, but it isn’t me… ugh I’m sure that doesn’t make sense. I’m sorry, I wish I could explain it better. I wish I could explain why I think it’s better that we go our separate ways. Anyway, I’ve decided to take some time and go home to Midvale to reconnect with my Earth roots and start there. I wanted to wish you the best in your endeavors with Lcorp and everything else moving forward. - Kara_

So yes, it is because of Alex that Lena knows that Kara went to Midvale a month after their last meeting. And it is because of Alex that Lena knows Kara spent three months in Midvale, working remotely for Catco, writing articles, before she returned to National City. So yes, Kara has been back in National City for just over half a year. She has reconnected with her Superfriends and has seemed to find a good balance between being Kara Danvers, Catco reporter, and Supergirl. Though, Alex often laments, they never found out what happened to Kara on that alien ship…

Given the date, Lena wakes up feeling extra reminiscent. She sits up, opens the drawer to her nightstand and pulls out the now worn letter. Though Lena rarely does this now, given the significance of the day, she allows herself a moment. She holds it, having long ago memorized the words, and thinks of Kara, hoping she is doing well in all areas of her life. Alex never mentions if Kara is dating someone. Nor does Alex ask Lena if she is dating anyone. Lena assumes she does this on purpose. She thinks about taking the day off from Lcorp, she really does. But she promised Cat Grant an exclusive interview on her newest technology that’s going to revolutionize the way oceans can be cleaned of all the plastic and other trash. So instead, she sighs, puts the letter back where it belongs, and starts her day off the way she always does now, with a run on the treadmill in her home gym.

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Lena is just heading back to her office from an exciting morning with some scientists in one of her more secret R&D departments. Jess sees Lena getting off the elevator.

“Ms. Luthor, your 11:00 is here, waiting in your office.”

“Ah yes, my interview with Catco, Nia Nal. I’m only… ten minutes late,” Lena finishes with a grin.

Jess doesn’t say anything, simply gives Lena a nod with an odd smile as she walks by and into her office.

Lena walks in and closes the door behind her, saying “Sorry to keep you waiting, Ms. Nal” as she turns around and freezes. She sees that it is in fact not Nia Nal in her office.

It is Kara Danvers, standing in her office. Kara turns around and smiles at her shyly.

“You aren’t Nia Nal,” is all Lena can manage to say.

“Oh… um… no, sorry. Nia… Ms. Nal I mean, she called this morning saying she was very sick… Cat sent me instead…” Kara is rambling.

Well, glad to see some things never change, Lena thinks. She commands her body to go back into CEO mode and she struts around to her desk and sits down, while signaling for Kara to have a seat in one of the chairs across from her on the other side of the desk. Kara glances at the couch as she sits in one of the chairs. Odd, Lena thinks, given this version of Kara has never been to her office and therefore, has never sat on the couch with her.

“Well, Ms. Danvers, you’re here to interview me today about the new tech my team has developed to help with efforts to clean the oceans of all the trash and other waste, yes?” Lena asks to help move this interview along. The sooner it starts, the sooner it is over, the sooner Kara can get back to living her life.

“Yes, that’s correct, Ms. Luthor,” Kara says, following Lena’s cue.

“Lena, please.” Lena says automatically, without even thinking.

“Well, if I’m calling you Lena…”

“Kara it is,” Lena says with a smile. Lena’s mind, however, is racing. Is that not the exact same thing they said to each other on one of their earlier times meeting?

The interview is short but goes well overall and Lena even walks Kara down to the lab to show her some of the tech so she can take some pictures for the article. As they are returning to Lena’s office, Lena realizes the interview is over and she finds herself not wanting Kara to leave. But she knows she must.

“Well, Kara, thank you for the lovely interview. Let me give you a business card in case you have any more questions for me. Otherwise, I look forward to reading the article.”

This comment makes Kara blush. “Oh, you don’t have to read my article…” She mumbles.

This makes Lena laugh a little. “Nonsense, I have to make sure no one writes slander about my company.” This seemed to help ease Kara’s mind a little bit. “Besides, I enjoy the way you write,” Lena adds as she hands Kara the business card and smiles.

Kara seems dumbfounded for a nanosecond before responding, “You read my articles?”

Lena, not wanting to sound too much like a stalker, simply replies, “Sometimes.”

Kara smiles widely at this answer. As she is walking out of Lena’s office, she turns around and says, “It’s really good to see you, Lena.”

Both women spend the rest of the day with smiles on their faces, perhaps bigger smiles than either has worn in a long time.

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It isn’t that Kara Danvers didn’t date. It was just that nothing ever seemed to work out. She tried; she really did. But no one ever felt like a good… fit.

Tonight, was no different. She set herself up for two coffee dates, one at 6 and one at 8. The first one was with a man named Mike, who showed up 10 minutes late and spent half the time looking at his phone. The second one was with a woman named Janine. She was more engaged than Mike and Kara thought it was going well at first. But then Janine started ranting about Supergirl and aliens in general. Well… there went that date.

Kara was home by 10 and collapsed on the couch. She had been back in National City for over half a year and had been trying to date for the past few months (after some pushing from her friends to “just give it a try”). She was tired tonight. She must have been on 30 or more dates since she returned. She was over it. Who was she kidding? She is an alien from a long dead planet. She had two identities. Who was she ever going to find that understands that and be ok with it? She groans to herself as she opens up a carton of ice cream and turns on the tv, wrapping herself up in a blanket and settling in for the night.

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Across town, Lena is sitting out on her balcony, enjoying the fall breeze, winding down for the night with a good book. While she still works a lot because being CEO of a company like Lcorp requires quite a lot of time and effort to run, she has been working on balancing her work life with finding hobbies and things that she enjoys doing over the last 8 months. Lena hasn’t told anyone, but after a month or two after Kara leaving and Lena drowning herself in her work, going back to using alcohol to drown out her emotions (unsuccessfully), and constantly missing Kara, Lena started going back to therapy. Though Lena was alone this time and she was terrified of doing so, it turned out to be one of the best decisions she had made.

Lena never arrives at work before 8:30am and never leaves after 6:30pm. She spends her evenings either curled up with a good book, treating herself to a movie, working on one of her side experiments in her own lab in her home, or working on her own novel. Writing, her new hobby, has been one of the most rewarding things she has added into her life. At first, it started as a way for her to write about her and Kara’s story, from her perspective. It was something suggested for her to do by her therapist. And while she never talked about what she actually wrote with her therapist, they did talk about what the experience of writing it was like for her. Nowadays, Lena has taken to writing science fiction, combining two things she loves most, science and creative writing. She isn’t sure she will ever publish anything she writes. But she knows that isn’t why she does it. She does it simply for the joy of writing the stories for herself. In fact, she has yet to tell anyone at all about anything she has written.

Lena has found solace in her solitary life, has found comfort in being with herself. She has learned to enjoy her own company. That doesn’t mean she didn’t still desire companionship. Which is why, three months ago, she adopted two black kittens… siblings actually… Lena named them Tesla and Edison. They are currently curled up on her lap purring as she reads.

Lena’s therapist recently asked her about the prospect of dating again. Lena literally laughed at her therapist when she asked Lena about it. Once her laughter subsided, she finally responded with “I think I am still just dating myself, doc.” Her therapist dropped it after that. But Lena admits to herself that is probably what made her realized Alex has never mentioned it in relation to Kara or asked about dating regarding Lena herself. Seeing Kara earlier this week though… what a site for sore eyes. She looks amazing as ever. And Lena really wanted to tell her as such, but she didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. She wasn’t sure whether she would see Kara again any time soon. She hoped so. But Kara had been back in National City for months and not reached out. Lena sighed, realizing this was probably a fluke and accepted the fact that she would probably not be seeing Kara again anytime soon. With this thought, Lena picks up the kittens and carries them inside, closing the door behind her. Once inside, Lena and the kittens head back the hallway and into the bedroom. The boys jump up into the bed, curling up on their side and going to sleep while Lena completes her bedtime routine.

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A few weeks later, Lena is having her catch up dinner with Alex. They are meeting at Lena’s penthouse, as usual. When they started this endeavor, Alex made it clear that no one else knew about this, so Lena wanted to make sure it stayed that way.

They were enjoying the normal catch up of Supergirl’s bad guys of the week when Alex’s demeanor suddenly changed.

“So, Kara said she had to interview you for Catco.” Alex is giving Lena a cautious look, like she is ready to dodge any food or weapon that might get thrown her way for bringing up such a potentially touchy subject. Lena puts down her fork and wipes her hands, figuring this topic was going to come up.

“Yes, she did. I was surprised to see her. Apparently, the original person assigned to do the interview was sick that day.” Lena gives the same explanation that was given to her, though in a bit of a sarcastic tone, making it clear she is not sure she actually believes that Nia was sick. Does she believe that Kara believes that? Yes. Because Kara is trusting. But Lena? Lena has low to no trust. She fully believes that Nia faked being sick, fully knowing that Cat would send Kara since she is Nia’s mentor. And by the look on Alex’s face, Alex either suspects the same, or just knows it to be true.

“Well, how did it go?” Alex asks, watching Lena carefully for any reaction.

“The interview went well, Alex. But what are you really asking me here?” Lena isn’t one to do subtlety. Luckily for her, neither is Alex.

“I didn’t want to say anything before… but Kara, she is still struggling some.”

This gets Lena’s attention. “What do you mean, exactly? You always tell me she is doing well. I mean, her articles for Catco are amazing. And she is doing so well as Supergirl.”

“Yeah, sure, both of her jobs are going great. But her personal life… something is missing.”

Lena doesn’t respond. She isn’t sure what to say, so she gives Alex a look, arching her eyebrow, her nonverbal way of asking Alex to explain further.

Alex sighs, but continues. “Look… she’s tried dating, she really has. Men, women, human, alien. It doesn’t matter. Every time, all she says is ‘I don’t know Alex, something feels off’ or ‘they don’t feel right’ or ‘it doesn’t fit’… seriously this girl… Anyway, she has thrown herself into her work, both at Catco and as Supergirl. Because something is missing when it comes to dating. She can’t figure it out… but Lena… I think it’s you.” Alex finishes that sentence and looks away, not wanting to freak the Luthor out too much with such a forward statement.

Lena sighs. Throughout all of their dinners over the past months, she has thoughts about opening up to Alex, talking to her about what really happened between her and Kara. But she didn’t want to burden Alex with this knowledge too. Or maybe she was afraid of how Alex would react. Lena has always had trouble opening up to others. But now… it seems like now might be the right time to finally tell her. Lena eyes Alex, debating it briefly with herself. Finally, she says, “Alex, there is something you should know.” With this, Alex turns back toward Lena, who is staring her down across the table. “Before the alien attack that took her memories… Kara and I were… we were working through everything that had happened with Lex and Leviathan and just everything… we were taking things slow, going to therapy, trying to do it right. But we had been dating for a few months when she lost her memories.”

Alex’s jaw drops open slightly as she stares back at Lena for a full minute before finally responding. “Lena… I had no idea… You must have been so heartbroken… I’m so sorry…”

Lena lets a single tear fall down her cheek. “Kara didn’t want anyone to know until we were solid. So, we decided together not to tell anyone. When she lost her memories… I decided it was best to respect her wishes, even if she didn’t remember what they were anymore… It was very hard for me… But it was important that I be there for Kara and let her find her own path as the person she is now...” Lena gives herself a few seconds to breath before continuing. “Regarding what you said, Alex. It’s always been Kara for me. I’ve learned to live a life without Kara over this past year, sure. But no one could replace her. I know that. So, I haven’t tried to. It’s just me and my boys.” She finishes that statement with a small chuckle, just as one black cat comes waltzing out from the living room and wraps his legs around Lena’s before going to say hi to Alex. Alex reaches down to pet Tesla. Edison can be seen roaming the living room, eyeing his brother.

“I still can’t believe you adopted not one, but two cats,” Alex says, chuckling as she pets Tesla.

Lena, always ready to defend herself, simply says “They were siblings. I couldn’t separate them.” She knew that response would resonate with Alex. And she is right. Alex simply looks back up at her and nods before looking back down at a purring Telsa.

“Lena, I don’t know if Kara has realized yet what she needs to do… to reestablish some kind of relationship with you… But maybe if you approach her first…” Alex looks back up to Lena, hopefulness in her eyes. Lena was afraid Alex would ask this of her.

“You can’t force it, Alex. Trust me. That’s why I was so adamant about respecting what she wanted last year. If we were going to work, she would need to come back to me on her own. And if not, then so be it. I just want her to be happy,” Lena finishes with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Alex knows she means it. She simply gives Lena a frown, but nods, accepting Lena’s answer, for now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Kara's Earth Birthday...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all the comments and love for this story so far (and for Lena, the poor woman). I hope you continue to enjoy the next few chapters.

Alex continues to have dinner with Lena every 3-4 weeks over the next couple of months, but she doesn’t bring up the subject of Lena approaching Kara again. Lena enjoys Alex’s company, and she enjoys getting updates, not just about Kara (though those are her favorite), but about the other superfriends as well. It turns out J’onn and M’gann are doing well and have even moved in together. Nia is flourishing under Kara’s mentoring at Catco and as Dreamer. She is even striking out on her own when Supergirl needs a night off, though Alex throws in there that Kara rarely takes those nowadays. Brainy and Nia have rebuilt a friendship after Leviathan and Lex, but Nia has developed some serious trust issues since then and so it has not progressed past that. Lena asks Alex how Kelly is doing, which makes Alex light up. She tells Lena how well Kelly is doing in her new job since leaving obsidian, using similar VR technology, but not working for a company that is focused so much on making a profit, but more focused on helping veterans and others who have experienced traumatic experiences. As for Alex, the DEO has been going great (and has been since they took down Lex and Lena became the technical owner of it, reinstating Alex as the head of the DEO shortly after). She still sometimes helps J’onn at the Tower, but usually him and M’gann have it covered. Alex is glad to be back in charge of the DEO after feeling lost for so long.

After dinner, as Alex is walking towards the door to leave, she turns back to Lena. “Hey… one more thing... Kara’s Earth birthday is coming up… We are throwing her a surprise birthday party… It’s at Al’s Bar this weekend. I know she would love to see you, even if she hasn’t reached out. It would mean a lot to her if you came. Would you consider coming, please?”

Alex stares Lena down, giving Lena her best pout. Alex cannot pout like Kara can, at least not when it comes to Lena. Even so, there is a sadness in Alex’s eyes. And that right there, for some reason, gets to Lena.

“Text me the details. I’ll see what I can do.”

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Lena spends the rest of the week being a bit anxious about the idea of seeing Kara again. She isn’t sure why. She even calls her therapist, who she only sees monthly now, and has a brief phone session about it. After talking about it with another person, Lena figures out why she is anxious. And she just laughs at herself.

She doesn’t know what to get Kara for her Earth birthday.

After figuring out the root of her anxiety, Lena calms down a bit and goes into problem solving mode for what exactly to get the Kryptonian. This makes the rest of the week seem to fly by. And before she knows it. She is standing outside Al’s bar. According to Alex, she gave the rest of the group a heads up that she would be there. But not Kara, obviously, since it is a surprise party. Lena takes a deep breath in and walks inside.

As soon as she opens the door, she hears a group yell “Luthor!”, but not in a hateful or demeaning way. They yell it in a welcoming, heartfelt way. She makes her way over to the sound and finds Kara’s friends… her old friends, sitting around a large table. It brings a smile to her face to see them all together again. Alex gives her a big hug, followed by Kelly. And soon enough, everyone else is getting up to give her a hug, tell them how much they have missed seeing her and working with her and having game nights with her. And she is just so taken aback by the entire thing, she almost feels like this is a welcome back party for her.

Finally, finally, the group welcoming party dies down and Lena takes a seat next to Alex, who tells her that Kara should be arriving shortly. Kara thinks Alex has been day drinking and needs picked up. Lena laughs at the silly ploy they used to get Kara here, thinking Kara must be cursing to herself in her head, thinking about how Alex is ruining her Earth birthday. If only she knew…

Sure enough, about ten minutes later Alex gets a call from Kara, who tells her she is leaving Catco and will be there in five to fly her home. Everyone gets in position and waits. Lena, unsure exactly how Kara will react to seeing her, simply stands off to the side of the bar and waits.

Kara was very surprised to see everyone there. Lena just laughs, reminded again at just how trusting Kara is, especially how trusting she is of those she loves. This makes Lena’s heart hurt a little, thinking back on how she took advantage of that trust when she was hurting. Lena tries to shake that feeling off, as the Superfriends all huddle around Kara and head back to the table, Lena follows, somewhat hesitantly.

As everyone goes to sit down, Kara finally sees Lena and her eyes go wide with surprise, perhaps even more surprised than she was a few minutes ago. The table seems to grow quiet. Lena, not one for awkward interactions in front of others, simply says “Happy Earth Birthday Kara, Can I buy you a drink?”

Kara nods and follows Lena up to the bar. Kara treats herself to an alien drink that will make her a little tipsy, but not too bad. Lena asks for a bottled water and pays for both. As they are waiting, Lena decides to try to break the tension a bit.

“I’m sorry if this is awkward to see me here. Alex invited me. She was a bit… insistent.”

“Oh… no… it’s not awkward… I’m just surprised is all,” Kara manages to get out. Lena smirks a bit at Kara’s rambling.

“Oh, good, I’m glad,” Lena says, maybe a little too firmly.

The bartender returns with their drinks and the women return to the table, joining their other friends in the celebrations. The evening goes well overall, with the Superfriends singing Karaoke, playing pool, drinking, and all around having a good night. Lena mostly stays seated at the table, enjoying the company of whoever wasn’t singing or playing pool. As the evening starts to wind down, Kara returns to the table after singing a beautiful rendition of “Haunted” by Taylor Swift. Oddly enough, all of the other Superfriends seem to be occupied for the first time all night, leaving Kara and Lena alone finally.

“You have a beautiful singing voice. That was quite lovely,” Lena compliments Kara as she sits down and takes a long drink of water to refresh herself.

“Thanks! Surely you had heard me sing before. Even if I don’t remember.” Lena is a little taken aback, but it seems that this Kara has finally accepted what has happened to her and can even talk about it offhandedly like this.

“Why, yes, I have.” Lena says it simply while smiling, thinking back to the times that it was just her and Kara in one of their places, when Kara would sing, and they would dance. It was quite lovely.

“What’s that look for?” Kara asks, smirking at Lena.

“I have very fond memories of your singing, that’s all.” Lena doesn’t want to ruin Kara’s birthday with stories of things Kara doesn’t remember.

“Tell me about them?” Kara implores, almost begging Lena to share them. Lena stares into Kara’s eyes. Those blue eyes she used to just get lost in. Kara stares back, waiting.

“Alright. It was the last couple of months before you lost your memories… when we were together… You used to randomly decide we needed to dance. I would insist we had no music. So, you would sing. And then we would just dance. We would dance around the living room of your apartment or on the balcony of my penthouse… it didn’t matter where we were. The point was we were together.” Lena finishes the story with a smile and only a hint of sadness in her eyes. She sees that Kara is still staring at her.

“Lena… what made us feel so… connected like that?”

Lena takes in a deep breath, trying to think about how to answer that question. It’s then that she realizes she has the perfect Earth Birthday present for Kara.

“Kara, I’m not sure I know how to answer that question. But I think I have a birthday gift for you that might help you understand that a lot better. Would it be ok if I stopped by your place tomorrow and dropped it off?”

Kara tilts her head to the side, somewhat confused as to what Lena could possible have that would help answer this question. She ends up just nodding yes, wanting desperately to understand the connection she had with this woman. And why, even now, she feels a strong pull towards her that she can’t quite explain.

“Great,” Lena says with a smile. “I do have a gift for you tonight as well. Though the gift I brought tonight… is more for your other half.”

“My other half?” Kara asks confused.

“Your… super half,” Lena clarifies.

“Oh!” Lena laughs as she pulls a small box from her purse and slides it across to Kara who opens it. Inside is a small metal disk. Kara looks back up to Lena, confusion back on her face. Lena chuckles again as she explains.

“I know you have the full anti-K suit ready to go when you need it. But I also know that sometimes you are… caught off guard and don’t have it on you when you need it. This can be installed on your normal suit by Brainy and can then be activated and used as an anti-K shield. I haven’t been able to fully test it to see how much it can really take, but it should be able to withstand enough in most battles, or until your suit could be brought to you.” Lena finishes her explanation and looks at Kara to see her reaction to the gift. Kara is just staring at Lena, jaw agape.

“Lena… this… this is amazing.” Kara finally stammers. Lena blushes. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Like it? I love it!” Kara clarifies.

Alex comes walking over from the pool table just then to check on them. Lena decides she should call it a night, and bids everyone goodnight. Everyone insists on giving her another hug like they did when she first got there. Kara, however, walks her outside.

“You know, Kara, I am a big girl and can take care of myself,” Lena jokes as she walks towards her vehicle.

“Oh, I am well aware of how strong and independent you are Lena. But I would never forgive myself if something did happen…” Kara says this in an attempted humorous voice, but it comes out in a much more serious tone. Lena decides not to question it.

Lena turns to face Kara when they get to her vehicle. “Thank you for accompanying me to my car, Supergirl.” Lena whispers the last part and then laughs at herself.

Kara chuckles a little and then gives Lena a serious look. “Thank you for coming tonight. And for the gift. It means a lot to me, more than you know.”

Lena gives Kara a heartwarming smile. “I meant what I said last year Kara, I am here whenever you need me, for whatever. You want me at your birthday? Done. You need help with a Supergirl mission. Done. You need a pizza at midnight? Done.” Kara laughs a little too hard at Lena’s attempt to joke. It’s probably the alien alcohol giving her courage. Because she hears herself saying “So, I saw that everyone else got a signature Lena Luthor hug tonight, does that mean the birthday girl also gets one?” Kara is smiling widely like a kid in a candy store when she says it.

Lena just chuckles at the silliness of it all.

“Of course, Darling.”

With that, Kara goes in and meets Lena for a hug. Lena soaks it in, realizing it has been so long since she has had Kara this close to her. She relishes every second of it.

After Kara finally pulls away, Lena clarifies for her, “But to be clear, they all got two because they all hugged me when I got there too.”

This makes Kara laugh. It’s a laugh that warms Lena’s heart. “Well then, I will save that second hug for when I need it.”

Lena laughs and simply replies “Deal.”

The women agree to meet tomorrow so that Lena can deliver Kara’s birthday present. Lena drives home for the evening, feeling lighter than she has felt in months. Kara heads back inside and celebrates with her friends for a little while longer before they all call it a night.

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As planned, Lena arrives at Kara’s apartment at 11:00am the next day. As Lena approaches Kara’s door, she notices herself feeling a bit anxious again, second guessing her decision to give Kara this gift. But shaking her head at herself, noting it’s too late to turn back now, as she knocks on the door.

Kara greets Lena with a bright smile. “Good morning, Lena!”

“Hi, Kara,” Lena greets her as she enters Kara’s apartment. Lena notices that while she hasn’t been here in over a year, it feels like she was just here yesterday, with the apartment remaining relatively unchanged, apart from some new paintings on the wall. Kara invites Lena to join her on the couch, where she has some tea already made and waiting. Lena graciously accepts a cup.

“Thank you for the tea, Kara. I see you have some new artwork on the wall.”

“Oh, those… yeah, I got back into painting when I was in Midvale.” Lena nods and she goes over and takes a closer look at the two paintings. They depict landscapes and cityscapes, though Lena can’t quite place them.

“These look so realistic. Are they of a specific location? I don’t recognize either of them.”

“You probably wouldn’t… they are images from my memory of Krypton.”

Lena turns back to face Kara. “They’re beautiful Kara, truly.” Kara blushes. “If you ever want someone to talk about your home with, please know I am here.” Lena isn’t sure whether she should have offered this last bit. But she also knows that Kara has told her before how difficult it is to talk to Alex about this part of her life. Though this Kara… this Kara never told her that. Lena sighs, thinking maybe she overstepped.

Kara, however, is simply amazed by Lena, again and stammers a “thank you,” before a moment of silence. She then finds her words and adds “It’s hard, you know, for me to talk about Krypton and my birth parents to Alex or Eliza. I can tell it makes them uncomfortable. And I get that. I love Alex and Eliza dearly. They helped me feel like Earth was home when I came here. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss Krypton and my family.”

Lena returns to the couch, sitting next to Kara. She gingerly puts a hand on Kara’s, forcing Kara to look up at her. “I understand. I was all but punished for talking about missing my birth mother growing up in the Luthor home. And I was four when my mother died when I came to live with them.”

Kara is taken aback by the sudden closeness between her and Lena, even more so by Lena’s sudden vulnerability in sharing something so personal. She isn’t sure what to say. But Lena simply smiles at her, gives her hand a gentle squeeze and then removes it. She picks her tea back up and scoots a few inches away, giving Kara a chance to breath again.

Once Kara has regained her composure, she decides it is best to change the subject altogether away from dead parents and onto happier things.

“So… I believe you mentioned something about a second birthday present?” She says, trying her best to smile wide at Lena, though Lena can see the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Lena pulls the small book out of her purse. She spent the morning having the story… their story, printed and bound.

“Well, last night Supergirl got her gift. Today, Kara gets hers,” Lena says, trying to be light about the entire thing. “Something you said last night made me think that you are interested in hearing more about what has happened over the last five years, that you are ready to do so.” Lena says it as a statement, like she observed it. But she waits to see what Kara says, whether she will confirm or deny this fact.

Kara looks at her thoughtfully before responding, her lips curling up on one side and her forehead crinkling like they always do when she is deep in thought. “I was angry for a long time about the situation… about not being able to recover my memories… especially after hearing about everything that had happened… about the relationships I had… about the friends I lost… about the enemies I had faced… all of it… just gone… But, after spending time in Midvale and taking the time I needed to really process everything, I realized that being angry wasn’t going to change anything and it was actually keeping me from moving forward. I spent so much time trying to figure out the past that I wasn’t living in the present. So, I returned to National City and started to focus on the present. And now, here we are… that being said, yes, I can now talk about the past and am more comfortable admitting when I just don’t know something. I am ok with just asking others and I like hearing the stories. While sometimes it is hard for me to picture myself living through the events, it isn’t like it was at first, where it felt like I was reading a story of someone else.” Kara finishes her explanation, hoping that it made sense to Lena the same way it made sense to herself in her head. Lena nods like she understands, and Kara lets out a breath she was holding in.

“In that case, I do think this is something I would like to give to you then, as a gift. After you left for Midvale… I eventually decided to write our story, from my perspective, as I saw it, from beginning to end. I didn’t intend to give it to you when I originally wrote it. I wrote it for me, to help me process everything that happened and maybe find some kind of closure in everything. But, seeing where you are now and how well you are doing, and with you asking questions last night about us, I thought you might want to read it. So, I had it printed and bound this morning, for you.”

With that explanation, Lena hands the book to her.

“Lena… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just, please wait to read it until after I leave.” Lena gives Kara a sad smile with that request. Lena knows their story is quite sad, but more than that, she is letting Kara see into her internal dialogue and internal emotional state throughout their entire friendship and into their short-lived relationship. There is no way she wants to be here when Kara reads any of that. She wants to be as far away as possible.

Kara nods and doesn’t even go to open the cover of the book, instead setting it down and following Lena to the door. The women exchange their second hug in as many days before Lena parts. Kara cancels her lunch plans with Alex that day, anticipating she is about to be very busy reading and rereading a particular story…


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara reads the book Lena wrote and gave her for her Earth Birthday...

Kara takes a breath as she settled back down onto the couch, opening up the book. On the first page is a simple, hand-written inscription.

_For Kara – So you can see the way I see you. – Lee_

Kara smiles, realizing that Lee must be a nickname that she had given to Lena at some point over the past five years. Kara turns the page and sees that Lena has broken the book up into sections.

_Part I: The day I met Kara Danvers_

_Part II: Kara chips away at my armor_

_Part III: When I realized I was in love with Kara_

_Part IV: Finding out Kara Danvers is Supergirl… and the Fallout_

_Part V: Reconciling with Kara_

_Part VI: Losing Kara again_

Kara takes another breath, turning the page and starts reading. She spends the rest of the day and reads well into the night, reading and rereading sections of the book. Kara experiences a range of emotions as she reads the stories.

Part I is the shortest, though it is still a few pages long. Lena reflects on what she remembers about the day she met Kara. And Lena remembers a lot. She even remembers what Kara was wearing apparently (Kara will have to take her word for it, since she doesn’t).

_I laugh now when I remember the day that I met Kara Danvers. I had so much fun simply messing with the blond girl who I found extremely cute, especially when I saw just how easily I could make her flustered. It isn’t everyday you make a girl stutter simply introducing herself. I have to wonder if I made her forget her name for a brief moment simply because she found me so stunning. But I never did ask her. So, I guess I will never know. Regardless, the idea of it makes me smile and that is enough for me…_

Kara goes on to read how she apparently befriended Lena and how they built a friendship. It is so heartfelt. Kara can see herself saying and doing exactly as Lena describes. But it’s the actions of Lena herself that rock Kara the most. She sees Lena’s love for Kara come through again and again as she reads about Lena filling her office with flowers, Lena telling Kara she was her hero, Lena protecting her when Lcorp was attacked…

_I look back on our friendship and how protective I was of Kara… I know I loved her. I often wonder if she knew. I wasn’t one to say it. In fact, I think the only time I almost said it was when I was drunk. I was drowning my self-pity, fully believing the accusations that I was the cause of the lead poisoning of those children… Of course, Kara was there for me, being her overly positive, sure self. She was supportive of me and was sure we would figure out that it wasn’t me, that I didn’t cause those kids to get sick. And how did I repay her? By being drunk and telling her to give up on me… That was the one time I almost told her I loved her. I said to her “I know that you believe that everything is good and kind, and that... that is one of the things I love about you.” And Kara, being the wonderful, understanding woman and best friend that she is, never mentioned my drunken tirade. Sam later told me that Kara stayed by my side for most of the night. And Sam insists that Kara would have stayed by me all night if Sam hadn’t kicked her out, insisting that she go get some sleep herself._

In Part III, Lena discusses when she realizes that her feelings for Kara transitioned from that of friendship to that of something more. It wasn’t a sudden change for Lena, but something that gradually developed for her. She talks about the fallout and the fear she had associated with this realization. It is something Kara can identify with deeply, as she recalls Winn professing his crush on her and how awkward that made things for them for a short while when she turned him down. Lena talks about how she never told James the truth of why they had to end things, though she acknowledges they had other problems as well. But the truth was that she realized shortly after they started dating that she was in love with Kara. And while she tried to push the feelings down, it was sort of doomed her relationship with James from the start. Lena also writes about the couple of times she started to tell Kara the truth but stopped herself or got interrupted when Kara had to suddenly leave.

_Anytime I thought about telling Kara how I felt… I wanted to make it perfect. I know how silly that sounds now. But at the time, I just thought that she deserved it. After things ended with James, I thought to myself “Ok, Woman up Lena! You can do this.” But then everything just happened so fast with Red Daughter and Lex and Supergirl… and before I knew it, I realized I hadn’t seen Kara in weeks. And when I finally did see her… I lashed out. I know I came back later and apologized… but still. I missed my chance. Because after that… After that, we made up and focused on catching my brother. Well, Kara focused on catching him. I knew I was going to end things on my own terms. What I didn’t know was that Lex would still find a way to break me, even as he laid on the ground dying. He used his dying breath to ruin things between Kara and I before I could tell her how I felt… before she could tell me her true identity. I wonder if Kara would have told me who she was before Lex could have, if I would have told her how I truly felt. Maybe things could have gone so differently… I wonder how I would have handled it if she had told me before Lex in general. I’m sure after four years, I would have still been angry and hurt and needed time to process and understand. But maybe… maybe I wouldn’t have gone down the path that I had… Maybe I could have fixed things with Kara sooner… Maybe we could have had more time together… Maybe…_

Kara is particularly intrigued by Part IV, because this is the first time Supergirl is really discussed in detail. It references all the times Supergirl saved and worked with Lena before Lena knew that Supergirl was also Kara, as Lena was trying to reconcile within herself the two identities that she had separate in her head, and tried to combine them into one individual. Kara can see how much Lena struggled to do this. There were times that Supergirl and Lena disagreed and even hid things from each other. All the while, Kara and Lena were still best friends. Kara could understand why Lena struggled to believe that Kara was being honest with her as her friend and wasn’t just befriending her because she was a Luthor.

_When I first met Supergirl… She saved my life from that damn helicopter when the drones tried to shoot it down. And then I reached out to her through Kara to help at the Gala. And she came by my office that night afterward, I was so… hopeful. She saved my life again and again and I even saved her life a few times. We worked together and it felt so good to be doing exactly what I set out to do by moving to National City. But then she asked James to spy on me and see if I still had kryptonite. I remember being in that other world looking for Sam… I asked her what her real name was. And she literally said, “That’s not a great question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family.” There it was. My name… being used against me. How is this person also my sweet, dear, best friend Kara? That’s what I couldn’t wrap my head around at the time._

Lena also wrote about the moment it dawned on her when she realized just how many times she almost lost Kara and didn’t even know it. Because she didn’t know Supergirl was Kara.

_There were so many times that I almost lost my best friend and I didn’t even know it… I mean, Mercy Graves poisoned the atmosphere with Kryptonite using a device I created… and I saw Supergirl laying there on a gurney, in agony. If I hadn’t of had that suit ready to go for her… She would have died. And I would have been responsible. Would Alex or anyone had ever told me? Would they have faked some kind of accident for Kara Danvers identity? Or would Kara have just suddenly disappeared from my life, no explanation?… And I was there the night Supergirl… Kara… fought Reign. I saw her, laying on the ground, in a crater, passed out, almost dead. I didn’t know she was Kara though. If I had known… If I had known that was Kara, laying there, I don’t care who was watching or who would have seen. I would have run to her. No question. But Supergirl and I, we weren’t close, we were colleagues at best at that time. What’s worse? James was with me and he DID know who Supergirl was. And yet, he just stood there, with me, staring like an idiot. He should have run to her, identity be damned, I already knew he was close to Supergirl (again, denial is a powerful force, because how did I not put two and two together?)._

Kara also read about how Lena struggled with her plans to use Myriad and betray Kara. She waivered, sometimes debating just forgiving Kara, coming clean about how she killed Lex and with his dying breath, told her the truth about Kara. But then she would be reminded of how broken her heart felt, how broken she felt, and she never wanted to feel that way again. And if she could keep people from hurting each other, if she could eliminate emotional suffering within the human population, shouldn’t she do it? Kara read later on how, when given the space and time, Lena was finally able to see that she was trying to accomplish the impossible. And when she got hurt, she did what she always does, which is put all her walls back up, and suffocate behind them. It took her months to truly understand why it took Kara so long to share her secret with her. And by then, Lena was in so deep with Lex, she couldn’t stop her project. Lena did attempt to reach out though, after Jeremiah passed. But then Lena and Kara had another argument when Kara herself used Myriad in the Fortress, causing an issue with Lena’s project. It wasn’t until months later that Lena figured out that Lex manipulated the entire thing to pull them apart again. In that moment, it all played out exactly how he wanted. Lena was back at his side, working on her project. But then it failed. And Lex thought he was going to get what he wanted. The Luthor’s, all three working together to rule the world, as it should be, without the Kryptonians. It was in that moment, however, that Lena finally stood up to her brother. After he yelled so loudly, inches from her face, spital flying from his mouth, she simply opened her eyes back up, looked at him, and told him she did not have to be a monster like him. And then she walked away.

_I remember so clearly walking up to Kara’s door. I remember being there, like I knew I would always find my way back somehow, on my own time, on my own terms. I knocked, my hands shaking. I remember hoping so deeply that Kara would answer and at least listen to what I had to say so she could help me fix my mistakes. It was terrifying. I was so scared she wouldn’t even answer the door. It all happened in slow motion. It felt like I was standing in front of her door for ages before she opened it. She must have used her x-ray vision and seen it was me, because she didn’t look surprised when she answered, simply angry and hurt. She looked at me, turned and walked away, leaving the door open. I walked in and closed the door, turning back to face her. Kara stood by her table, one hand on the chair, one on her hip, that same look of hurt and anger on her face. She still hadn’t said a word. She just stared and waited. I remember I was still shaking, trying hard not to cry, my voice trembling as I started to speak. That was one of the most terrifying yet humbling experiences of my life. And it was the first step towards rebuilding trust between me and Kara, though, at the time, I didn’t think she would ever trust me again. And I couldn’t blame her. I just knew we had a mutual enemy in my brother, and I hoped we could stop him together. I never expected us to really reconcile beyond that. I had figured once we stopped Leviathan and Lex, that she would want us to go our separate ways. And I had accepted that. What was done was done. I had let my hurt cloud my judgment and I had done too much and gone too far and caused her too much hurt and pain in return. There was no fixing us. I just needed her to trust me enough to stop Lex._

The last part of the book is the saddest by far and is the only part of the book that Kara has some memories of. Lena talks about the call she got from Alex, seeing the alien attack, trying so hard to fly back across the world in time to be of help… All to show up at the DEO to find out that Kara has no memory of her. Lena writes about the shock and despair she felt during that time, having just finally reconciled and started to build something so special and dear with Kara. She felt like the rug was just ripped out from under her and she fell face first on the ground. And no one else knew because Kara and Lena had decided to wait to tell the others. Lena had to pretend that they were just friends who had just reconciled when she was around Alex and the others. She spent the evenings at home crying herself to sleep every night during those first few weeks. She felt like she lost her sun.

_I knew what I had to do for Kara. Or, at least, try to do. She needed space. There is no way if I woke up with no memory of someone that I would want them forcing me into a relationship with them when I didn’t even know them. Especially if that person shared the same last name as my cousin’s nemesis… So, this is me trying… trying to do the right thing. Kara needs time and space to put her life back together how she wants it. If she chooses to include me in it, in any capacity, I would be honored. If not, I wish her the best and hope she finds the happiness she truly deserves. I know she doesn’t remember, and she may never remember, but she has already saved this world (and other worlds) more times than I can count. She is a being of light and joy that she shares openly and willingly with everyone, despite the intense pain that she has from her past, or maybe because of it. None of us deserve her. Especially not me. (My therapist will forgive me for including this self-deprecating comment because in this instance, I believe it to be particularly true)._

Kara reads and rereads the book, having a hard time putting it down. It isn’t until her third time through the book that she finds the handwritten note in the very back of the bound book.

_Kara,_

_I hope that by reading our story, as I saw and experienced it, you understand it, understand us, despite not having the memories any longer. Our story might seem like a tragedy, but please know, that is not how I see it. Meeting you, being your friend, being more than your friend, for even a short time, led to some of the best memories of my life. Please know, I will always cherish our time together._

_Love always,_

_Lena_

Kara stares at the message for a while, finally letting herself feel the flood of emotions she has been letting build up inside herself as she had read and reread the book. Her eyes well up with tears as she sets the book down carefully, overcome with far too many emotions to know how to process any of them in the moment. She instead tries to focus on simply breathing, letting her body simply let out the intense emotions by the silent tears that continue to fall for the next hour.

Once the tears subside, Kara finally sits up and takes stock of everything she is experiencing. Still feeling like she can’t quite think straight, Kara goes over to her bay windows and opens them to let the night air in, sitting down and taking a few more deep breaths. After a short time of sitting at the window, simply listening to the city, Kara seems to have calmed down.

But she has questions for her sister. So, she pulls out her phone, dialing Alex’s number.

“Hey… it’s kind of late, is everything ok?” Alex answers.

“Why did it take me so long to tell Lena that I was Supergirl?”

Kara doesn’t hear anything on the other end of the phone for a full 30 seconds.

“Alex?”

“Yeah… sorry. I just, that is not what I expected you to say.”

“Well?” Kara is being more firm than usual with her sister. She needs to know.

“Well, you wanted to tell her for a long time. In fact, you asked me and J’onn if you could tell her… and we insisted that you didn’t, that you couldn’t trust her with that information.”

“Why?”

“You had only known her for a year or so. We were trying to protect you, Kara.”

“Are you saying that I tried to tell her two years before I actually told her?”

“Yes, Kara. Look, when we were all finally on board with you telling her… By then, you were so scared to tell her… you knew she would be upset about you waiting so long… so then you kept putting it off yourself…” Alex trails off, hoping this explanation will suffice.

“Oh…” is the only response she gets from Kara, followed by another 30 seconds of silence on the phone.

“Kara, are you ok?”

“Yes. I guess I was just trying to understand.”

“Understand what, exactly?”

Kara doesn’t answer her sister, not out loud. She isn’t ready to vocalize the thought. It’s the same thought that has been nagging Kara for months now, steadily growing, which fully formed as she read her story…

She was trying to understand when she fell in love with Lena Luthor.

“Thank you for answering my questions Alex, I think I need to get some fresh air and just clear my head for the night. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ok?”

“Yeah, sure, ok. Love you sis.”

“Love you too.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Kara reads the book? Let's find out... :)

Lena had spent the rest of the day focusing on a new part of her novel. She is thankful how easy it was for her to dive into her new hobby, working on a book that is about a time traveling detective, combining her love of science “fiction” with crime solving and historical fiction. She uses real life unsolved crimes from history as inspiration and has her leading lady travel through time to go back and attempt to solve the crimes. Her main character, Detective Swift, is currently deep in historical London in the 1880’s trying to find one of the most infamous serial killers of all time: Jack the Ripper. Lena is in the middle of writing a scene when she hears a knock on her balcony that nearly causes her to drop her laptop and fall out of her chair. After recovering and looking to see that it is indeed Kara standing on her balcony, hands up, mouthing the word “sorry!”, quite emphatically, Lena checks the clock and sees that it is just past midnight. Lena closes the computer and walks over, unlocking the balcony door for Kara who stands there but doesn’t enter the apartment.

“I’m sorry! I realize now what time it is. I was just, I saw you were awake, and I didn’t think…”

“Kara, you flew here in normal clothes?” Lena asks as she observes Kara in her rambling apology.

Kara, who seems to just realize this, looks down at herself and then back up at Lena. “Um… yeah. Well I was up in the atmosphere just sitting and listening… I do that sometimes to center myself… No one can really see me the whole way up there…”

Lena smirks. “But they can see you when you go into and out of your apartment? Also… how did you end up at my place then?”

Kara reaches up to nervously touch her glasses like she usually does, but realizes she does not have them, the one part of her Kara Danvers outfit she left at home. Lena sees what she is doing and chuckles. “Well… I was just flying by on my way back to my place and saw your light was on and you were up so I thought I would stop by… As for the first part… you have a good point,” Kara concedes. Lena laughs again. She decides not to question exactly how Kara ended up on the other side of town to see that she was in fact up at this hour.

“Kara, would you like to come inside?” Lena finally offers, standing to the side. Kara smiles and nods, walking inside. Lena isn’t exactly sure what made Kara decide to stop by. And while she has enjoyed the banter, she isn’t sure what to say next, so she decides to let Kara take the lead. Lena goes back to sitting on her chair. Kara follows suit and sits next to her on the couch.

“So, I read the book… a few times.” Kara says it hesitantly, like she isn’t sure how Lena will react.

Lena smiles slightly. “A few times must mean you liked it, so I will take that as a compliment and say mission accomplished for your birthday present this year.” Lena says it lightheartedly, still unsure how serious of a conversation Kara really wants to have right now.

“I loved it Lena.” Kara says it firmly, looking Lena directly in the eyes. Blue eyes lock with green and hold steady for a moment. Lena finally says, “I’m glad,” though it is barely above a whisper. Their eyes stay locked for a moment longer before Lena finally looks away.

“Lena, do you have plans tomorrow?”

Lena looks back up to find Kara still looking at her intently. She shakes her head side to side as she says “I do not, it’s a Sunday, which means I usually spend the day at home tinkering in my lab working on some fun side projects. Why do you ask?” Lena’s heartrate quickens slightly as she stares back into those deep blue eyes.

“Well…” Kara finally looks down and away from Lena, but only for a moment. Her blue eyes return, locking with Lena’s green ones, as she smiles and says, “I’d like to spend the day with you, if you are ok with that.”

“You would?” Lena can’t help but ask, surprise in her voice.

“I would.” Kara says it firmly, smiling, leaving no room for doubt for Lena.

As Lena smiles and opens her mouth to answer, Kara’s face changes to one of alertness as she pauses suddenly and turns her head to face the hallway, listening intently for a few seconds before she turns back to Lena, a look of uncertainty on her face. Kara stands up and starts to walk towards the balcony as she speaks.

“I… um… I’m sorry for stopping by so late… I shouldn’t have assumed… you’d be alone…”

For a half-second, Lena isn’t sure what Kara is talking about, because she is home alone. She didn’t hear anything with her human ears. But Lena stands up quickly, attempting to following Kara and explain, realizing what she must have heard.

“Kara, wait. It isn’t what you think.”

Kara’s hand is on the balcony door, about to open it to leave. She pauses but doesn’t turn around to face Lena.

“Lena, you don’t have to explain anything. You’re an adult woman, free to do as you please. I’m the one who told you I needed space to figure things out… and that was months ago…” Kara trails off.

“Kara, will you please turn around and look at me.” Lena says it fervently. She sees Kara visibly sigh, shoulders slump, but she does turn around and look at Lena.

Lena can’t help but observe that, for someone who doesn’t have feelings for her, Kara sure seems to have a lot of hurt written all over her face right now.

“Kara, you and I, we are the only two… bipedal sentient beings in my penthouse… What you apparently heard with your superhearing… were my two cats… Tesla and Edison.”

Kara doesn’t say anything at first in response. Lena sees several emotions quickly wash over Kara’s face as she processes this information. Kara seems to go from hurt and sad to confused… then relieved to surprised to maybe excited. Lena isn’t exactly sure since it happens so fast.

“You have, not one, but two cats, Lena Luthor?” Kara finally asks, apparently befuddled by this fact.

“I adopted them a few months ago, they are siblings.” Lena gives the same explanation she gave Alex.

“That’s awesome,” Kara finally says, excitement clearly winning out over the other emotions. Her endearing behavior winning Lena over, making her smile.

“Well, would you like to meet them, since you are here?”

Kara spends the next hour, on the floor of Lena’s bedroom, playing with Tesla and Edison. Lena sits on the end of the bed, smiling at how something so simple can make Kara so happy.

As Kara finally stands up to leave, she looks up to see Lena, simply watching her.

“So… um… tomorrow?” Kara asks.

“Tomorrow,” Lena confirms.

Lena walks Kara to the balcony and bids her goodnight.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena sends a text the next day and quickly receives a reply from Kara.

_9:30am Lena: So, what is the plan for today?_

_9:33am Kara: 1:00pm National City Museum. I thought we could go through the Krypton exhibit and I could tell you about it._

_9:39am Lena: That sounds wonderful. I will meet you there._

Lena spends the morning tinkering in her lab for a few hours before she gets ready and heads to the museum. Meanwhile, Kara rereads the book again, particularly the latter half, when Lena talks about what they did for dates. Lena never mentions them going to the Museum or talking much about Krypton. Kara is hopeful this is something new for them both.

Lena arrives to find Kara standing outside the museum, two entry tickets already purchases. Lena thanks her and then enter inside, heading right for the Krypton exhibit. The women spend a couple of hours going through the exhibit, with Kara able to talk in detail, much more than the actual museum guides, about the various exhibits donated by Superman and Supergirl. Lena listens intently, basking in the joy Kara seems to have from getting to talk about her home planet and her culture. Lena also gets to ask some science related questions about some of the technology, and gets to see the side of Kara she tends to hide as Kara Danvers, as she is able to understand complex science being from such a scientifically advanced society. The women are able to fall into a very easy flow of conversation between the two of them that feels very natural. It is going so well, they are surprised when a museum attendant comes up to them and tells them the museum will be closing soon, since it is Sunday, the museum closes at 5pm.

“Wow, we have been here for four hours and never left the Krypton exhibit,” Kara notes in amazement.

“That’s because I had the best guide for this part of the museum tour,” Lena pokes, smirking at Kara, causing her to blush.

As the women are leaving the museum, Kara stammers a bit before managing to ask Lena “Would… would you like to go out for dinner now?”

Lena glances over to the woman walking beside her, arching her eyebrow, unsure of exactly the meaning behind Kara’s invitation for dinner. “I’d love to.” Lena decides not to question it. And seeing the way Kara lights up with her answer, she is glad she didn’t.

“Great, what are you in the mood for?” Kara asks.

“We both know you are going to eat far more than me, Kara.” Lena says it while laughing. “So why don’t you pick?” Kara laughs as well, deciding to pick on Lena back, using a little fact she learned from reading the book yesterday. “Ok, but you can’t get Kale!” Both women laugh harder than they have in months.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara and Lena end up at an Italian restaurant near the museum. As promised, Lena doesn’t get Kale. And Kara eats twice as much as Lena.

“You sure you don’t want anything else to eat, Kara? We could order a to go plate or some dessert.” Lena suggests, knowing from previous experiences that Kara usually eats more, especially considering she hasn’t eaten in over five hours. She wonders if Kara is maybe holding back for some reason.

Kara looks at Lena across the table, a bit uncomfortable and awkward. “No… I’m ok… I’m used to… eating like a human when I’m in public.” Kara says the last bit at a whisper to Lena, who frowns. Lena reaches across the table and squeezes Kara’s hand once before letting go.

“Hey… you don’t have to do that when you’re with me, you know that, right? Besides, people are already judging us because you are with me. No one is going to notice how much you are eating, trust me. They are judging you way more for even associating with me,” Lena finishes.

“Still? I mean, after all this time and all the good you’ve done?” Kara looks so disappointed when she asks. Lena just sighs.

“Yes, Kara, still. My family, my last name, has done so much bad, so many evil terrible things. I will have to do a hell of a lot of good to outweigh that. I’m not sure I will be able to accomplish enough in my lifetime to make up for it.”

This time, Kara reaches out for Lena’s hand, interlocking her finger’s with Lena’s. Lena looks at their hands and then back up to Kara, who is staring at Lena, intently. “Lena Luthor. If there is one thing I know, for certain, it is that you are not your family. Everything you have tried to do and accomplish in your life, has always been for the betterment of mankind… The world will eventually see and understand that. Please know that I do see that. I do see you.”

The women sit there, staring into each other’s eyes for another minute, silently continuing to hold hands, until they are interrupted by the waiter bringing the check. Lena reaches over to grab the check. Kara uses her superspeed to grab it first.

“Kara… that’s cheating.” Lena has a smirk on her face. Kara is grinning widely. “It was my idea to go to dinner. Also, I ate more.”

“I’m rich,” Lena counters.

“You can buy next time?” Kara counteroffers, still smiling widely.

“Oh, you think there will be a next time, do you?” Lena says, eyebrow raised, lip pulled up on one side in a half smile.

This makes Kara’s smile falter. She starts to second guess herself “Um… yeah… well… I mean… if you want too…”

“Kara, Darling, I was kidding.” Lena can’t let her keep rambling; she feels too bad. She reaches out again, this time squeezing Kara’s arm once, smiling, before withdrawing her arm. That seemed to sooth Kara, who goes back to smiling, though more contained and smaller than before.

Kara’s forehead crinkles as her expression changes, indicating she is deep in thought. Lena can practically see the wheels turning in Kara’s head. After a moment, Kara says “Lena… I would like to get to know you. I know that I know about you and I know what I read in the book you gave me. But I would like to get to know the real you… if you’ll let me.”

Lena is slightly taken aback by Kara’s sudden forwardness. She is also surprised. She didn’t expect this from Kara. She figured today was mostly about Kara missing home and wanting someone to talk to about it that wasn’t Alex or Eliza. So, Lena decides to ask the questions that have been on her mind most of dinner. “Kara, I would love nothing more… But I have to ask… Why now? What’s changed?”

Kara looks over at Lena and sees only curiosity on her face. Lena is genuinely trying to understand what is driving Kara to finally reach out and try to form a relationship with her. The odd thing is that there is this innate trust Kara feels when she is around Lena, like she knows she can rely on her for anything. That she could tell her anything and it would be ok. Kara felt it last year when she first woke up after losing her memories and meeting Lena for the first time, but she didn’t know why, and it scared her. And then she learned about everything that happened between them, and everything else that Kara didn’t remember. And she just didn’t think she could trust her own judgment anymore. It took her almost a year before she started to trust in her own judgment again. Kara also knows after reading the book and talking to Alex, that she didn’t listen to her gut the first time with Lena, and instead she listened to everyone else. She wasn’t open and honest with her then, and it went terrible. She doesn’t want that to happen again. So instead, Kara wants to be as open and honest as she can with her, from the start.

“Lena, from the moment I woke up without any memories, I’ve felt this connection, this draw towards you. My gut told me I could trust you. But I didn’t know what any of that meant and it scared me. And as I tried to piece everything together, I learned about our history, and that made me start to question my own judgment. What I have since learned, in part from Alex and in part from the book, is that I should have trusted my gut from the beginning, the first time around. Which means, I should be trusting it now. Alex says I first asked her to tell you about me being Supergirl two years before I actually told you… Two years, Lena. Two years before Lex told you… before I told you… Things could have been so different. But I listened to Alex and J’onn and the DEO instead of my own gut. I know later it became more about me being scared of losing you because eventually everyone was on board with me telling you… But yeah, I wonder how differently things could have gone, ya know?... Gosh… Anyway, I don’t think I am actually answering your question… Why now? Because I am tired of pretending like this isn’t what I want or that this isn’t what my head keeps wondering back to. The truth is I asked Alex to invite you to my Birthday. Well… I specifically told her that if we did do something for my birthday, that I would like for you to be invited. I hadn’t seen you seen that day I interviewed you at Catco and I wasn’t sure how you would feel about me just reaching out, so I thought that might be a good way to reconnect…”

Lena is quite taken aback now. Apparently, Kara had been thinking about this long before Lena had given her the book.

“Kara, was Nia actually sick when you came to do the interview?”

“I don’t think so, but that was all her if she wasn’t. I wouldn’t put it past her though, she knew I was struggling. I had mentioned reaching out to you a few times since being back in National City, but always chickened out, so I think that was her way of giving me an excuse.”

“Why didn’t you reach out, Kara?” Lena asks it in a neutral tone, but internally, she is anxious to know the truth. She had been wondering this for months.

“Honestly, I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back. And I didn’t know quite what to say. I know when I left that I really hurt you.”

Lena reaches out again, taking hold of Kara’s hand with her own. “Kara, darling, I will always care about you and want you around. I know I didn’t always show it in a good way in the past… but I’ve worked through a lot of that, on my own, while you’ve been gone.” Kara smiles slightly at Lena, glad to hear Lena is doing better. And glad to hear that Lena still cares about her.

“So… does that mean we can see each other again?” Kara asks, tentatively.

“Yes, of course. I would like that very much,” Lena states, matter-of-factly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I thought as I was writing this story and got to around chapter 8 or 9 that it was going to finish in 12 chapters... but with the way things have progressed, I am not 100% sure on that anymore... Might have to extend it a couple of chapters... You'll have to wait and see why though... It might, maybe, have to do with the reason Kara lost her memories to begin with (hi yes that is finally coming back around lol)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena, what have you been hiding...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate all the kudos and comments on this story. It will have another few chapters. :)

Over the next few weeks, Lena and Kara spend more and more time together, starting out in an all too familiar pattern to Lena. It starts with lunches at work and progresses to dinners at various restaurants around National City. They have movies nights and take walks around the park in the city. Eventually, Lena even returns to game nights with all the Superfriends. Though, Kara and Lena both acknowledge, they prefer when they get to spend time together, just the two of them. For Kara, it’s like coming up for a breath of fresh air after being under water for so long, unable to breath. She notices that being around Lena seems to make every cell in her body excite and relax at the same time. It’s like nothing she ever remembers experiencing before. For Lena, it’s like curling up with an all too familiar blanket that you thought you lost. It is exactly the same as she remembers - warm, soft, comforting. She relishes every moment.

Alex and Lena continue to have dinner every few weeks, though it is no longer a secret from Kara. Alex came clean to Kara shortly after Kara’s birthday and the phone call she got from Kara. Kara was upset at first, but Alex explained that she knew with Kara going away to Midvale and disconnecting from everyone, including Lena, that Lena wouldn’t really have anyone there for her. So, Alex reached out and initiated dinner, hoping to establish some kind of friendship with Lena. Or perhaps, at least make sure Lena knew she wasn’t alone. She felt that after everything everyone had been through, she owed Lena at least that. Alex knows the role she played in keeping Kara’s identity from Lena and she still carries some guilt for that. But more than that, she saw and knew how deeply Lena cares for Kara. She didn’t feel right about Lena being completely cut out of the Superfriends circle. Something about that just didn’t set right with her. It was all of those things… the friendship, the guilt, Lena’s care for Kara… that made her reach out and start having dinner on a regular basis with Lena. But Alex didn’t want Kara to feel pressured by this information, so she decided not to tell Kara until after she started reconnecting with Lena herself. And so, while Kara was upset at first with her sister for not telling her about this, she understood her reasoning. She did, however, huff at the fact that Alex got to meet and hang out with Tesla and Edison first. And NOT tell Kara that Lena had cats. Alex would never live that betrayal down…

Alex is at Lena’s having one of their catch-up dinner’s, which have shifted slightly away from being so Kara-centric since Kara and Lena have reconnected. It is more like two old friends, catching up over the past few weeks. However, Lena knows the easy conversation and banter between herself and the older Danvers sister is going to have to come to an end. She takes a deep breath in, letting it out slowly as she is washing up the plates from dinner while Alex is playing with the cats, like she normally does before she leaves. Lena knows she has to say something now or risk the wrath of Alex later. She finishes the dishes, turning around and walking into the living room where Alex is seated, she steals her face.

“Alex, there is something I do need to talk to you about, before you go.”

“Oh? What’s that, Lena?”

“Actually, it would be easier if I just show you. If you would, come with me to my lab. It’s just down the hallway here…” Lena says as she turns and heads down the hallway, unsure of how exactly to explain what she did to Alex. She did it so long ago… Maybe Alex will understand.

Lena hears Alex get up from the sofa and start to follow her. Lena walks over to a door, putting her hand on the scanner, which after a brief moment, enables the door to be unlocked. Lena opens the door and heads inside, walking up to a large computer screen where she starts typing in access codes. She hears more than sees Alex follow her into the room.

“I received an alert from my home lab just before you arrived for dinner. I only have one thing set up in my home lab that would have gone off… and you are going to want to know about it,” Lena says cryptically.

“Lena, what is going on?” Alex has switched from friend to DEO Director mode. She is stern now and will be forceful if she needs to be.

Lena sighs as she turns to face Alex. “After Kara lost her memories and we knew they were taken... I ordered a low-level ranking officer at the DEO to bring me some of the wreckage from where Kara had crashed. You never knew because, as owner of the DEO, I ordered them not to tell you. And, as an added precaution, I immediately had them transferred to their desired site, which happened to be far away from you, so they wouldn’t be tempted to tell you.”

Alex is now simply standing, arms crossed, eyes glaring at Lena.

“I thought we were done keeping secrets, Lena.”

“This was a long shot, Alex.”

Lena can see the conflict on Alex’s face. She is torn between continuing to berate Lena for keeping this from Alex and asking exactly what she means by “long shot.” Lena, however, decides not to give Alex a chance to decide what she wants and just keeps talking and she turns back to type on the massive computer.

“Some of the wreckage was clearly alien in origin. It was made of a metallic component that has never been found on this planet. I used an old Lcorp satellite that was decommissioned, repurposed it so that it could be set up as a beaconing system for this compound, first looking in our solar system, then our galaxy, and eventually into deep space. Attempting to simply pick up on any signatures matching the metal. Like, I said, it was a long shot.” With her explanation complete, Lena pulls up a map of space with some kind of coordinates on the computer, turning back to face Alex, who is staring at her in awe.

“Are you telling me you found the ship that took Kara’s memories?”

“I’m saying I found something that is made up of the same metallic components. It is highly unlikely it is the same ship, but maybe it is from the same civilization, which would give us a starting point.”

“Does… does Kara know about this?”

“No… to be honest I never expected to actually find anything, this ended up falling to the back of my mind. I mean, I wasn’t even sure it really worked. I did all of this shortly after the accident and set up the alert system mostly out of desperation. After some time, I went back to focusing on work, other projects, my life… And now Kara, she is doing so well, has accepted she won’t get her memories back… I would hate to give her false hope when we don’t even know what my satellite is even picking up.”

“Ok, so how do we figure out what your satellite is picking up on?”

“Well, that is what I’m working on now…” Lena goes back to typing, trying to download some of the data from the satellite. After working in silence for ten minutes or so, Alex finally breaks the built up tension in the room by stating the obvious.

“Lena… you know we have to tell Kara, right?”

“I do… I just want to find out more before we do… if we can.”

Alex and Lena spend the rest of the evening in Lena’s lab, trying to pinpoint the size and weight of the metal components being detected by the satellite in an effort to identify it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a week before she felt like she had enough data for Alex to take to the DEO to form a task force. Because the object was clearly a ship. And it was clearly heading towards Earth. Lena’s system had detected it in deep space and calculated it would reach Earth in three months.

This also meant that it was time for Lena to tell Kara the truth.

Yes, Lena might have been avoiding Kara for the past week, telling her she was working on a new project that required all of her attention. Which wasn’t a lie.

And of course, Kara asked all about the new project. So yes, Lena might have told Kara that, when she could, she would tell her all about it. Which again, was not a lie.

So, why was Lena so nervous, not wanting to hit the send button on her phone now?

Lena thinks about banging her head on her desk as she sits staring at her phone at Lcorp. She is glad to have installed soundproof walls in this office, as she groans out loud at herself.

“Alright, Luthor. Woman up.”

_5:24pm Lena: Hi Kara, can you stop by Lcorp? I am sorry I’ve been so swamped with the new project and haven’t been able to spend time together… But I want to tell you about it now, if you have time._

Lena gets up and starts pacing around her office as she waits for a reply.

When an hour goes by without a reply, she lets herself start to internally panic. She finally turns on the tv and skims through the news channels, trying to see if perhaps Supergirl is out saving the day. She lets out a visible sigh of relief as she sees Supergirl is downtown helping with a huge apartment fire. Lena finally decides to pack up and head home, shooting off another text to Kara.

_6:29pm Lena: I saw you were SUPER busy… I’m heading home. Meet me there when you are free. I can show you the project there._

__\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s a busy night for Supergirl, who stops a bank robbery, rescues a family from a car wreck, and then helps with another fire before returning to the DEO. It is at the DEO that she finally sees the two texts from Lena, which make her smile. She had started to think that maybe Lena was getting sick of spending so much time with her… She rushes through her debriefing with Alex, superspeeds home to shower and then quickly flies to Lena’s penthouse, landing on the balcony to find the door unlocked. She knocks as she opens the door, announcing her presence.

Kara doesn’t immediately see Lena, though she does hear her, so she follows the sound of Lena talking to herself, saying something about “impossible, they’ve doubled their speed.” She walks into Lena’s lab to find her staring at a large computer screen, oblivious to Kara’s presence. Kara leans against the doorway, taking this opportunity to pause and simply take in Lena’s appearance. She is standing tall, arms crossed, staring intently at the screen with her eyebrow arched, like she is trying to solve all the world’s problems at once. Kara glances at the computer screen and can see that it is a map of space, of the solar system. She notices that the map appears to be tracking something heading towards Earth.

“Hey, is this the project you wanted to show me?” Kara finally asks as she walks towards the computer screen, startling Lena who jumps and turns around while managing to turn the screen off in one fluid movement.

“Kara… you scared me.”

Kara takes the extra few steps to Lena, putting her hands on Lena’s shoulders. “Hey, it’s just me.” Kara smiles, looking into Lena’s green eyes, taking one of her hands and tucking Lena’s hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek briefly, before dropping her hands and instinctively grasping Lena’s. Kara’s cheeks reddening slightly as the intimacy of her actions dawn on her. Lena hasn’t stopped staring into her blue eyes the entire time. Kara finally takes a step back, releasing Lena’s hands.

“So… this project you’ve been using to avoid me,” She says, trying to lighten the mood.

“Right…” Lena isn’t sure where she wants to start, and she internally chastises herself for not taking the time this week to plan out this particular conversation. “Ok, look, Kara, I have something to tell you. This isn’t exactly an Lcorp sanctioned project that I have been working on… this was something I did myself… after you lost your memories.”

Kara stands there for a moment, looking dazed. “What do you mean? You have only been working on it for the past week?”

“Well, no, not exactly… I created and launched the project shortly after you lost your memories… But then, I didn’t do anything with it for months and months and I sort of mostly forgot about it. Until a week ago when the monitoring system alerted me.”

“What do you mean launched? Alerted you to what? Lena, what did you do?” Kara doesn’t say it in an accusing tone, exactly. But there was a hint of it in her voice, causing Lena to slightly wince. She steadies herself as she takes a breath to explain.

“We had some pieces from the ship that crashed with you in the desert. They were made of a metal that has never been found on this planet. So, I set up an old Lcorp satellite to monitor space for signatures of that metal. I thought that maybe we could find a ship of similar origin and figure out what species or planetary system those ships came from and that would have given us a starting place for finding who took your memories. I knew it was a long shot and to be honest, I never thought it would actually work. But back then, I was willing to try anything and everything to get you back. I was shocked when the alert system went off a week ago… I was even more shocked to discover that whatever my satellite is detecting is heading right for Earth.”

Kara has mindlessly wandered over to one of the chairs and sank down into it. “They’re coming back?” She whispers.

“We don’t know who is coming here. We don’t know that it is the exact same ship that was here last time.” Lena tries to sound reassuring. But she can’t help the sinking feeling she has in her gut. She walks over and sits next to Kara, taking her hand in hers. “And Kara, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this before… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you as soon as the system alerted me to the object. I just wanted to see what all I could find out first.”

Kara stares at her hand in Lena’s for a moment, not saying anything. Lena isn’t sure what else to say about it all. Finally, Kara looks over to Lena and smiles. “It’s ok Lena. I know you were just trying to protect me.”

“You aren’t mad?” Lena is utterly baffled at this response. She had expected Kara to be upset with her.

“No… You weren’t withholding this from me because you had malicious intent or for selfish reasons.”

“You’re too good for me.” Lena says it out loud before realizing she said it and didn’t just think it. Her eyes go wide and her cheeks blush, knowing the indication of that statement. She releases Kara’s hand and walks back to the computer, pulling the map back up and typing on the computer. She leaves a slightly shocked Kara, still sitting in the chair. It takes Kara a few extra seconds to realize exactly what transpired and the gravity of it. She gets up, walking back to the massive computer, right next to Lena. She faces the computer though, just like Lena.

“Um… Lena, you know that’s not how I see you, right? You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul.”

Lena stops typing. A memory flashes through her mind. One she knows Kara wouldn’t remember. Yet somehow, those same words were just spoken and meant for Lena, again.

“Kara…”

Kara, misinterpreting, starts to ramble. “I know we’ve only really been spent the last few weeks together. And like, I know you have all these memories I don’t and so like, it is really like I’ve only known you a short while, so I can totally see how that might have just been a really weird thing for me to say as someone who literally doesn’t actually really know you…” As Kara pauses to take a breath, Lena finally turns to face her. Kara mirrors her, as Lena, puts her hand up, motioning for Kara to stop.

“No… that’s not it, at all…” Lena looks down at the ground, trying to find the right words.

“Oh?” Kara tilts her head slightly, trying to understand, waiting for Lena to explain.

“Kara, that isn’t the first time you have said that exact thing to me… it was verbatim… how you see me… my soul…” Lena trails off, unsure how to continue or what she even sure she is trying to convey.

Kara, sensing Lena’s trepidation, reaches out and interlocks their hands together. She lets a moment of silence pass between them before looking up with a smile on her face and saying “Well, it looks like no matter what experiences I have with you, I always end up thinking and feeling the same way about you.”

The women gaze into each other’s eyes, Lena finds herself unable to find any words to verbalize a response. She simply smiles back at Kara, eyes glittering with the hint of tears. She hopes that this conveys the flood of emotions she is feeling for the woman standing in front of her.

It’s another moment before Kara remembers why they are standing in Lena’s lab, and brings them back to the present reality. “Lena… how long before whatever or whoever is on that ship gets to Earth?”

Lena turns back to the computer, releasing her grasp on Kara’s hands, returning to typing on the keyboard. “My original estimate was 3 months. But I was looking at the new data from the satellite tonight before you arrived, and it appears that it has picked up quite a bit of speed and the new estimates have it arriving in 6-8 weeks. I will keep tracking it though in case the estimate changes again. And with another day or two of data, I should be able to narrow that window down better,” Lena finishes, glancing back at Kara, who is staring intently at the screen. Kara nods her head, affirmingly.

“Kara, Alex has a designated team at the DEO working on this. And I will continue to monitor it directly as well. We will face this, whatever it is, together. But I need to ask… If there is a chance to get your memories back, do you want them? I know it’s been over a year without them now…”

Kara finally looks away from the screen and to Lena. “Honestly… I don’t know Lena. I accepted a long time ago that getting my memories back was something that would never happen. And I’ve built a life around that. I’m not sure how I would feel about the life I have now with those memories, if that makes sense… But, at the same time, having my memories back of the five years that were taken away from me… Why would someone take those away unless they were hiding something? So, what if I need to remember something?... Anyway, it’s not a decision I have to make right now, or maybe ever. We don’t know if it is possible, even now.” Kara says it all with a slight frown on her face and her forehead crinkled. Lena can see how difficult this must be for Kara. To have accepted life as it is, expecting this one thing to remain unchanged, and live that life for over a year and a half… only to have someone come along and potentially offer up a chance of changing the unchangeable.

“Right,” Lena says. “No decisions need to be made today. We will keep monitoring things from here and the DEO. In the meantime, it appears we have a several weeks before they arrive.”

“Well, what should we do with all of our ample free time?” Kara asks, smiling.

Lena can’t help but smile back. “You know, there is something I’ve been meaning to show you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so, would folks like to see Kara get her memories back? Just curious...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has a surprise for Kara. This is mostly fluff with a tiny bit of angst in the form of a flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the lovely comments.

Between work at Catco, Lcorp, and being Supergirl, it is a few days before Lena and Kara are able to meet up again for the surprise trip. Lena tells Kara they need to take the afternoon and evening off from all things for the surprise because it does take two hours to drive to, but Lena won’t tell Kara anything else. Kara does give several attempts at convincing Lena that she could just fly them there, but Lena is insistent that Kara can’t fly there because Lena is the pilot. Kara eventually relents, but only after getting Lena to agree that Kara get to be DJ for the road trip. Lena laughs at the entire interaction. It is almost exactly like the first time. She almost can’t believe it. The more times that this sort of thing happens with Kara, the more Lena is starting to question her belief system in the universe being nothing but randomness.

Both women take Friday off work, Lena picking Kara up at her apartment at noon. Kara naturally has snacks for the car ride – all candy for herself. And a bag of carrots for Lena. Though, she is sure to let Lena know she will share her candy with Lena if she does decide she wants any. Lena doesn’t say anything, she just smiles. She knows exactly how this day is going to end if it goes the same way it did the first time. Thinking about that makes her smile even bigger. 

Lena heads Northeast out of National City on the interstate. Kara spends most of the trip serenading Lena, eating candy, and trying to be a fun co-pilot. Lena spends the ride trying not to wreck from laughing too hard. Just like the first time. The two women eventually leave the interstate and pull onto a single lane highway, spending 30 minutes or so on it before turning onto a dirt road. Kara can see that the road apparently leads to a giant dome-shaped building. 

“Lena… what is this place?” Kara can no longer seem to contain her curiosity. 

As they pull into the near empty parking lot outside of the building, Lena inhales and starts to explain. “Well, Kara, it’s a planetarium.” 

“You mean, like they have at space museums? But why is this one, like, in the middle of nowhere?” 

Lena smirks. “Because this one is a bit different... why don’t we go inside and find out what makes it different.” 

Kara practically falls out of the car, evoking another fit of giggles from Lena. Kara runs at a slightly inhuman pace around the car, taking Lena by the hand and rushing to the front door. Kara is surprised when the door is locked, and no one seems to be working.

“Lena… is this place open?” She asks, somewhat defeated.

“Kara, put your hand on the scanner next to the door.” Kara does as she is instructed. She is surprised to see that this unlocks the door. She looks over to Lena, who simply nods, giving her the ok to open the door and go inside. Lena of course follows, still being pulled along by Kara. 

Once then go inside, Kara can now see the giant dome theater, along with what she assumes is a central control room. She can also tell there are other rooms and spaces based on the size of the building. 

“Lena…” is all Kara can manage to say. She turns and looks back at Lena, trying to see if Lena will show her what to do now. She doesn’t exactly know how to turn on a planetarium theater. 

“This way Darling, I’ll show you what to do.” Lena now gently pulls Kara over to the control room. Once inside, Lena shows Kara how to log into the system and start up the program. Lena simply picks the first program from the list, titled “For Kara,” and hits the start button. Lena then leads Kara back out and into some seats as the lights automatically go dark. Lena had the entire system set up so the program would take care of all the lighting and sound. Kara is thankful the lights are out. She can feel just how red her cheeks are right now after seeing the name of the program. 

As the show starts, the stars and planets and sun appear in 3D space, showing the galaxy.

Kara gasps. 

“Lena… that’s… that’s…”

“I know…” Lena simply says, squeezing Kara’s hand, letting her know she can simply sit back and enjoy the show, without needing to say anything at all. Kara squeezes back. Her eyes fill with tears as she sees for the first time in over 25 years, her home solar system. 

The show only last about 30 minutes, but after it is over and the lights slowly come back on, Kara continues to sit there, not saying a word. Lena, knowingly, sits there with her in the quiet for a few more minutes. 

Once the shock has finally passed and Kara has finally collected herself enough, she finally sits up and looks at Lena, asked the big question. “Lena… how?” Lena knows this story will take a bit of explaining, but also knows that this day, seeing Kara get to enjoy seeing her home again like this, will make it well worth it. 

“Well, first off, you should know that Lcorp has owned this planetarium for a few years. We use it to conduct research and run simulations related to space and travel in space. It just so happens that as the CEO… I have special privileges and sometimes give the scientists and crew working here the day off so that we can come here.”

“Yeah… but… how did you create the program to show Krypton and the other planets? I mean, it had the right stars, constellations, everything…”

“Now that… that I was able to do because of something we had to do for therapy.”

“Let me get this straight, doc, you want us to, essentially swap places for the day, and put each other in our most vulnerable/secret places?” Lena asks, dumbfounded. This was session four and Lena was not liking it. Kara had been silent since the therapist had brought up the “trust” exercise. 

“Where would that be?” Their therapist asked, not answering Lena’s question, but instead trying to get both women to think through what this would actually look like for them. Kara looked over to Lena and back to the therapist, knowing her answer immediately, but afraid to state it. The therapist, however, was perceptive.

“Kara, do you know where that would be for you?” 

Kara nods before finding her voice. “Yeah… it’d be the place where I first realized Lena had been lying to me.” Kara was still uncomfortable with being completely open with the therapist, so she often talked somewhat cryptically like this.

Lena now stared at Kara, but not in the same way that she was just staring at the therapist. This time, it was with guilt written all over her face. Because she knew exactly where Kara was talking about… the Fortress of Solitude. Lena has to stop herself from visibly shuttering.

“Kara, are you saying that your most personal, vulnerable place, is the place that Lena hurt you the most?” Kara looked at Lena sadly and then to the therapist and simply nodded. Lena looked down at the floor, feeling horrible. Asking herself why they were doing this again. 

“Thank you for sharing that. I’m sure that couldn’t have been easy to admit. What about you, Lena?” 

Lena, feeling somewhat dazed from being lost in her own self-loathing for a few moments, is brought back to the present when Kara reaches over and gently squeezes her hand. Kara does that a lot in therapy. She never lets Lena get too far down the self-hating rabbit hole she likes to go down. 

“Um… honestly it would probably be giving her full access to my Lcorp files and my lab… more specifically, the secret rooms in the lab and my encrypted personal files at home,” Lena finishes, making sure she is clear because she knows that is something she has been trying to work on with Kara. 

“Excellent. Here is what I want you two to do… if you are up for it. You each get to spend the day, a full 24 hours, in each other’s place. Full access, without the other person there. Again, as I said earlier, one of the key components that you both identified at the start of all of this was the break down in trust. And one thing to help with that is to work on actively building up trust with exercises like this. Normally, I would start with small, menial things. However, given the status of the both of you… well, I thought we would go right for the big guns, so to speak. How does that sound?”

Both women nod, despite the mixed feelings both have about this entire assignment.

“Oh, one other thing. For this to work, you aren’t allowed to ask each other what you did, when it is over. Either of you may choose to share whatever you would like with the other, but you can not out right ask the other one for information. Got it?”

A short while later, as the women are driving back from therapy, Lena is lost in thought, still feeling guilty at the idea of ever going back to the place where she feels like she broke Kara. Kara knowingly slides her hand in Lena’s, intertwining their fingers. 

“Hey, we knew when we started that this wouldn’t be easy,” Kara says firmly. 

Lena sighs, nodding. “But this? Kara, you really don’t have to let me in the Fortress of Solitude… ever again. I would understand. What I did… even I don’t recognize that person… but it was ME…” Lena emphasizes as she trails off, a tear falling down her cheek. 

“Hey… remember what we said when we started this journey Lena. If we were going to do this, we have to be ALL IN. We have to be willing to take risks with ourselves and each other. And we have to face our mistakes. So, maybe you going to the Fortress will be good for both of us,” Kara finishes, giving Lena’s hand a gentle squeeze for emphasis. 

Lena finishes telling Kara the story, explaining how she used much of her time at the Fortress to gather all the data she could on Krypton’s solar system and galaxy to build the program for the planetarium to surprise her.

“Lena… that is so sweet… this is amazing.” Kara gestures to the room. “I can’t believe you would do something like this, just to give me a piece of home.” 

Lena pauses for a moment. She remembers when Kara said this exact thing the first time that she brought her to the planetarium. And Lena also remembers how she so easily responded to it, last time. But there is a small voice telling Lena that this version of Kara isn’t ready to hear that, just yet. Lena smiles though, when she remembers what her and Kara agreed to before she lost her memories… All in. So, Lena takes a leap of faith. 

Lena squeeze’s Kara’s hand and looks into her blue eyes as she says, “Kara, I will do so much more to show you how much I love you, just you wait.”

Kara is staring back into green eyes and smiling, unable to believe how lucky she is to have found someone like Lena Luthor. She doesn’t respond with words, but instead is very purposeful and slow with her next actions. She wants to give Lena a chance to stop her, if she wants to. 

Kara takes her free hand and cups Lena’s cheek. She never breaks eye contact. Lena never stops smiling. She takes that as a good sign. Kara slowly leans in. She makes it about eighty percent of the way to Lena before Lena loses her patience and meets her the rest of the way. 

For the second time in her life, Lena Luthor gets to a first real kiss from Kara Danvers and it is just as glorious and wonderful as it was the first time around. 

For Kara Danvers, she knows cognitively this isn’t the first time they have kissed. But for the woman sitting here now, it is. And man, she has no idea what she has been doing before now. Because kissing has certainly never felt like this before. 

The kiss is chaste, with the women’s lips lingering for a few seconds, just millimeters apart afterward, before they pull apart. Both women smiling widely.

“Can we watch it again?” Kara asks. 

“Of course, my love.” 

They spend the rest of the afternoon at the planetarium, enjoying the show, Kara getting a tour of the research labs, and viewing some of the programs. Afterward, they drive to a nearby town for dinner and then back to National City for the evening. Lena parks nearby Kara’s apartment to drop her off. Kara unhooks her seatbelt and turns to face Lena.

“Lena, this was the best day I have had in a really, really long time.” Kara is smiling widely as she tells Lena this. Lena knows she means it. 

“I’m glad I got to share this with you, Kara.” She says it as she takes Kara’s hand in hers, bringing it to her mouth and kissing the top gently. 

They bid each other goodnight, but not before confirming their usual Saturday night plans of dinner and a movie at Kara’s for tomorrow. Lena smiles the entire way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> The next chapter or two might take a couple extra days to post. I am swamped at work this week...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Supercorp dating and such... but then...

The next morning, Lena is enjoying a new book with some coffee under the morning sun on her balcony when she hears the all too familiar _woosh_ sound nearby. She lowers her book to find Supergirl hovering just off her balcony in front of her, smiling shyly at her.

“Hi,” Kara says, blushing slightly.

“Good morning, Supergirl,” Lena says, winking.

“I was out patrolling this morning. It was pretty slow, so I thought I’d stop by and say hi.”

Lena arches her eyebrow and smirks, waiting for the rest of the explanation for Kara’s unannounced appearance at her penthouse.

“I guess I wanted to ask you something too…”

“Oh?” Lena sets her book down, giving Kara her full attention.

Kara lands on the balcony and sits down next to Lena. “Yeah… I was wondering… um… after yesterday… with the kiss… and just… I wasn’t sure what it meant to you…”

“Kara, Darling, you’re rambling.” Lena says it as she puts her hand on Kara’s leg, hoping to help calm her nerves.

Kara takes a breath. “Sorry. I just, I guess I started to overanalyze things and second-guess them after I got home last night. And then I was up most of the night because of that. So, I wanted to come talk to you about it.”

“Ok, so let’s talk about it. What were some of the thoughts you were having?”

“Well, I got scared that maybe we shouldn’t rush into anything because of whatever is on that ship that will be here in a few weeks.”

“And how do you feel about that now, this morning?”

Kara reflects on that question, but only briefly before firmly stating “That I want to take advantage of the time we have together before it gets here.”

“I whole-heartedly agree,” Lena says smiling. “What else?”

“Um… that maybe I rushed into things and you don’t feel the same anymore, that maybe you would prefer just being friends now.” Kara looks down at the ground as she says this. She is afraid of what she will see on Lena’s face.

Lena reaches over and lifts Kara’s face up to look at her. She sees Lena, looking at her with a gentle expression. Lena then takes both of Kara’s hands in her own. “Kara, I have a confession to make. You remember what happened in the lab, when you told me how you saw me, and I told you that you had said the exact same thing before?” Kara nods. “Well, while it wasn’t _exactly_ the same, there were several components of the trip to the planetarium that were identical to the first time we went.” Lena waits for Kara to process the exact meaning of what she is telling her. It takes a few seconds before Kara’s eyes go wide.

“The kiss?” Kara whispers.

“Yes. I didn’t want to say anything before we went because I didn’t want you to feel pressured. But so much of that day played out so similarly to the first time. And in both versions, it is the first time that Kara Danvers kisses me.”

“So, you’re ok with this… with us?” Kara stumbles out.

“I’m more than ok with it, my love.”

“Does that mean that we are… dating?” 

Lena chuckles at Kara’s awkwardness. “Yes, consider me officially off the market. I’m exclusively yours, Kara.”

It’s a good thing Kara knows how to control her own strength, because the next think Lena knows, she is lifted off her chair into the biggest hug from Kara she has ever received. She laughs at the silliness of it all but smiles widely at just how happy Kara is.

“Oh… Alex is on comms, apparently Supergirl is actually needed now.”

“Go. I’ll see you tonight,” Lena says, still smiling.

Kara gives Lena a quick kiss on the cheek before she launches herself off the balcony.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena arrives at Kara’s that evening, bringing with her take out from Big Belly Burgers. Kara, unsurprisingly at this point, opens the door right before Lena gets to it. Both women smile brightly at each other as Kara holds the door open for Lena.

“Hi Darling,” Lena uses the all too familiar greeting that she can never seem to stop using, especially now.

“Hi,” Kara smiles goofily.

The two women catch each other up on their day over dinner before settling in to watch a movie, snuggling on the couch. Lena insists they watch A Simple Favor, saying it is supposed to be both a comedy and a thriller. Kara relents, stating that next time they watch a romcom that she picks.

By the end of the movie, Kara’s head is laying on Lena’s lap. Lena is casually running her hand through Kara’s hair and petting her head. As the credits are rolling, Kara looks up to Lena. “Lena… can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything,” Lena says, matter-of-factly.

“Well… the story you told me yesterday… what we did when we were going to therapy…”

Lena eyes Kara, unsure of where she is going with this, she raises an eyebrow, questioning Kara, waiting for her to continue.

“Well, I was wondering if I ever told you what I did? You know, the day I spent in your lab and with all of your stuff…” Kara finishes the thought, rushing to get it out before looking away, embarrassed for asking about this.

Lena doesn’t answer at first, she simply goes back to running her hand through Kara’s hair as she contemplates the question. Kara eventually looks back up at Lena to find green eyes simply staring down at her.

“Kara, what would you do tomorrow, if I gave you unlimited access to my files and lab?” Lena’s voice holds no contempt or malice. It’s like she was simply asking Kara to pass the salt at dinner.

“I wouldn’t do it. I mean, I wouldn’t feel the need to. I trust you.” Kara says it firmly and quickly, without having to think about it. Lena smiles. “I guess I was wondering what I did because… well, I know how much we have been through together. And I know how much other stuff I have been through as well now… and I had wondered if maybe I had become jaded and hopeless and untrusting… That’s why I asked... I guess I just sometimes wonder who I had become over the past few years before I had lost my memories.”

“Well, I can tell you, Kara Zor-El Danvers, that you, remain as full of hope as ever, even when you falter, you manage to find it again. Which is why, when presented with the opportunity to spend your time going through all of my files and labs, you chose to instead spend the entire time taking a mini vacation on my couch watching Disney movies.”

Kara is speechless, not sure how to respond. Lena strokes Kara’s cheek gently. “Kara, even with me, you never lost hope. No matter how bad things got between us, you never gave up on us finding our way back to each other.” Kara smiles before reaching up, clasping her hand behind Lena’s neck and pulling Lena in, meeting her halfway for a kiss. Kara tries to convey all of the love she is feeling in that moment for Lena and for her kind words in that one single act. When she finally releases Lena, she blushes and smiles widely before laying her head back down on Lena’s leg. Lena smiles and goes back to stroking her hair and after a few moments of quiet where they both soak in the moment, the women go back to talking about lighter topics and simply enjoying each other’s company for the rest of the evening.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara landed on Lena’s penthouse balcony, knowing she was expecting Kara for dinner and a movie. Kara also knew she was very, very late due to some Supergirl duties that had popped up last minute. Which is why, on her way over, she stopped for some flowers and a box of chocolates as an apology. She knows Lena is understanding, but that doesn’t make her feel any less guilty about being so late. Even though they had only been officially dating for a few weeks now, she still felt like her Supergirl duties more often than not either postponed or interrupted date night…

Kara should have known something was wrong as soon as she landed on the balcony. While Lena normally leaves the door unlocked for Kara now (because really, who else can access this door?), Lena never leaves the door open.

The door is open, just barely not latched.

This should have been the first indication to Kara that something was wrong.

However, Kara was in a rush because she was so late, it didn’t register in her brain right away that the door was actually open.

Kara rushes in through the door, once inside calling for Lena to let her know she has arrived, while also apologizing for being over an hour late.

At first, when Kara doesn’t hear a response, she thinks Lena must just be somewhere in the penthouse she can’t hear her. But then Kara remembers she has superhearing and x-ray vision.

And when she can’t hear Lena’s voice or breath or heartrate anywhere. She gives herself permission to use her x-ray vision at Lena’s, just this once. And then, to confirm what both of her super senses are telling her, she uses her superspeed to check every inch of the penthouse… twice.

Lena isn’t here…

Kara tries calling Lena, thinking maybe she stepped out for some Lcorp emergency or something.

But when Lena’s phone starts ringing on the kitchen countertop in her penthouse, Kara knows something is wrong. Next to her phone is Lena’s purse, with her wallet and keys… and jacket. Something is very wrong.

Kara is having trouble breathing. She calls the only other person she can think of to help.

“Kara, hey, I thought you were headed to Lena’s?” Alex answers, still finishing up some work at the DEO.

“Alex…”

Alex, recognizing the shear panic and fear in Kara’s voice, shifts into protective sister mode. “Hey, Kara, what is it? What’s going on?”

“It’s Lena… something’s happened to her…”

“Don’t move, I’m on my way.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Kara?” Alex says as she enters the penthouse to find Kara still standing by the kitchen counter, still holding the flowers and chocolate. She puts a hand on Kara’s shoulder when she doesn’t answer. This seems to bring Kara back to her. Kara turns around and immediately hugs her, tears starting to fall.

“Alex, where could she be?” Kara pulls back after a moment, wiping the tears from her eyes, quickly transitioning into problem solving mode now that her sister is here to support her. Her sister takes the flowers and chocolates, putting them on the counter, and simply says “Let’s see what we can find, ok?”

Alex spends some time carefully going through the penthouse, looking for any clues as to what might have happened to Lena. They don’t find any signs of a struggle or anything that seems to be out of place. The only room they can’t access though is the lab since it is keyed to Lena’s biometrics. Kara not so patiently follows her around. And again uses her x-ray vision to confirm for Alex that the lab is empty.

“Well, there were no signs of forced entry at the front door, I checked when I came in. Maybe she knew them?” Alex theorizes.

“Oh! I was in a hurry when I got here, but the balcony door was open slightly. Lena usually leaves it unlocked for me, but never open.” Armed with this new information, Alex heads to the balcony to see if she can find anything. She is in the middle of inspecting the balcony when she hears Brainy on comms.

“Director Danvers.”

“Brainy, this better be important.”

“Does an alien spaceship qualify as important?”

Kara doesn’t even wait for Alex to give her the ok, she simply scoops her up and flies them both back to the DEO. There is no way this is a coincidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks, it looks like this story should wrap up next chapter, I plan to finish that up in the next day or two. I love how much you all have enjoyed this AU, so I play to write some one offs and side stories based on parts of this story, including a Kara story and a Lena story for the year they were apart so you can see what each of them were up to during that time. Those will probably take a bit of time for me to write up before they get posted. I will probably also have a part 2 to this story (once you see how it ends, you can tell me if you'd like a part 2...). Anyway, always appreciate the comments, feedback, and love! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Alex return to the DEO to figure out who is exactly on this ship...

Kara lands at the DEO, putting Alex down now so gently as she rushes to Brainy. 

“Ah, Supergirl, Director Danvers,” Brainy greats the women calmly.

“Where is the ship you detected Brainy?” Kara demands, the urgency clear in her voice. 

“We didn’t detect it. They contacted us,” Brainy says, matter-of-factly.

Alex and Supergirl both do a doubletake back at Brainy, processing this information. Alex, in full Director mode now, says “What did the message say?” 

“It was very clear. They want to speak to Supergirl.”

“Who are they, Brainy? Who is on the ship? Did they say anything about Lena?” Kara rapid fires questions off to Brainy, who turns slightly in his chair to look up at Kara, eyebrow slightly raised at this last question. 

“They… appear to be of mixed origin,” Brainy informed them as he pulls up the video message they had sent, showing Kara and Alex their pictures. One of them appears mostly human with the exception that her skin is a shade of red clearly not seen on Earth. She has black hair and her ears are pointed at the top. The second, while bipedal with two legs and two arms, has a head that appears to be some combination of a bird and fish. He has a beak for a mouth, long pointed ears that extend outward, and what looks like a fin that comes up over the back of his bald head. Finally, the third alien is a shade of blue and its head, while rounded and including a mouth and two eyes (and maybe a nose), does not round around the top like humans. Instead, it extends back a foot or two, trailing back and ending, almost like a tail. They are all dressed similarly in appearance, though in varying colors of the matching outfits. The female alien is wearing yellow while the middle one is in green and the blue alien is in a blue shaded outfit. 

“Based on their appearances, I have deduced that one is from the planet Korugar, another from Xudar, and the third from Astonia,” he says this as he points to each one of them. 

“Play the message Brainy.” It’s clear Kara is growing more and more inpatient the longer she stands around the DEO doing nothing to locate Lena. Alex knowingly puts a hand on Kara’s shoulder, trying to sooth her, nods to Brainy giving him the ok to play the message. 

“Greetings Director Danvers of the DEO of the planet Earth. It is imperative that we speak to the hero of National City and of Earth known as Supergirl. We are sending this message in the hopes that we may reveal ourselves peacefully and without conflict. We look forward to your response.” 

“I don’t get it. The ship we were tracking wasn’t due to arrive for another week...” Kara says, starting to pace around the floor of the DEO.

“Perhaps they utilized some kind of technology or power that we did not know about, therefore unable to include in our calculations,” Brainy theorizes, leaning back in his chair, putting his hands together and running simulations in his super-computer of a brain. “It is possible that they could have arrived, undetected, if they knew we were tracking them and decided to interfere with the data we were collecting, thus altering our calculations slightly.”

“But why do that if they are peaceful?” Kara asks emphatically. 

“Wouldn’t you be concerned, landing on a foreign planet, that they might shoot first and ask questions later?” Alex asks rhetorically. Kara glares at Alex before she goes back to pacing. 

“Ok ok, so they sent this message. But they didn’t say anything about Lena. So now what? What if they don’t have Lena? What if someone else has Lena and I’m wasting time not looking for her?” Alex can see Kara is starting to spiral, so she walks over, forcibly making Kara stand still for a moment by putting both hands on Kara’s shoulders. Kara looks at her, a hint of tears in her eyes. Kara whispers “I can’t lose her Alex,” before hugging her sister. 

“You won’t, I promise. Here is what we are going to do. You are going to go sweep the city and try to find Lena. I’m going to respond to the message and ask to set up a meeting. Ok?” Kara nods a sincere thank you to her sister before she superspeeds out of the DEO and begins a systematic sweep of the city, attempting to locate Lena.

At the DEO, Brainy and Alex record a message to send back to the three aliens, informing them that Supergirl agrees to meet with them, in peace, as long as they agree that Brainy and Director Danvers can escort her. They ask that the aliens respond with instructions on where and when if they agree to the terms. 

Kara spends the next several hours checking the city and a 50-mile perimeter of the city for Lena. She checks the entire area three times. Exhausted from her search, she finds herself floating far above the city, in the atmosphere, simply listening for Lena.

Kara isn’t sure how long she spends up in the air, simply floating and listening for Lena. But eventually she hears Alex on comms. 

“Supergirl, we have a time and place for our meet and greet with our new friends.” 

“When?”

“Tonight.”

That’s when Kara realizes she has been up most of the night and can in fact see that the sun is peaking over the horizon. Kara decides she should probably try to get some sleep so she can be at her best for whatever is going to come tonight. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While Kara doesn’t really sleep much throughout the day, she does at least rest her body and let it recharge itself. She arrives at the DEO an hour before the scheduled meeting to find Alex and Brainy gearing up for the mission. 

“Kara… there you are. How are you holding up?” Alex asks as she pulls her sister in for a hug. Alex also hadn’t really slept much in the past 48 hours. It was clear by the bags under her eyes.

“I tried to get some sleep, but I mostly just laid there, listening for Lena.”

“Sweetie… We will find her, ok?” Kara just nods, trying to stay hopeful, remembering Lena’s words from a few weeks ago. 

“So, where are we meeting them?”

“Well, they seemed a bit hesitant about Brainy and I joining you, but they asked us to meet them in a remote location just outside the city.” 

“Not on their ship?” Kara asked.

“No, not on the ship, which we have been unable to locate,” Brainy says, somewhat flummoxed. Kara simply nods at this information, somewhat disappointed. She had hoped they would meet on the ship, thinking that Lena was maybe be kept on it and she would get to search it with her x-ray vision while she was on it. 

Brainy and Alex finish getting ready and head outside, getting into a DEO issued vehicle while Kara takes to the sky. She wants to fly ahead and do a perimeter check of the area before Brainy and Alex arrive just to make sure it is safe for them. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The location sent to Brainy, Alex, and Kara happens to be a beautiful location outside of National City. It is an open field area, near the start of a huge forest and a small lake. The sun is setting, and the moon is rising as Kara arrives to find the area empty. She does a quick sweep of the area, using her comms to let Brainy and Alex know that the area is clear for them. They arrive about ten minutes later. 

It is about half an hour later, when the three of them are standing outside of the vehicle, thinking that perhaps their new friends decided not to come, that three figures walk out from the woods. Alex immediately puts her hand on her holster, ready to engage if needed. Brainy takes his typical “I fight with physics” position while Kara stands with her hands on her hips in her prototypical Supergirl stance. 

“Good evening, Supergirl, Director Danvers, and Brainiac 5. Thank you for agreeing to meet with us. I am Soranik Natu,” says the red-colored alien. She points to the blue alien first. “These are my compatriots, Saint Walker and Tomar-Tu,” she finishes, gesturing to the one on her other side. “We come as ambassadors from the Lantern Corps for Supergirl.” 

“The who what now?” Kara blurts out. Brainy, knowing exactly who they are, remains silent. Alex’s eyebrow is raised to the sky in skepticism, hand still on her holster. 

“We work to protect the universe, harnessing the power of very specific emotions,” says Tomar-Tu. “Earth has had its own heroes in the recent history and therefore has not needed our protection. However, it is now time for two of Earth’s heroes to join our fold. For a great threat looms in the future that we fear can only be stopped with the help of these two heroes.”

Kara, taking a few steps forward toward the three aliens and away from Alex and Brainy, thinks they are talking about her and Kal. “So why ask to only meet with me and not with both me and Superman?” 

The three aliens’ glance at each other briefly before Saint Walker now speaks. “We have already located the first hero Supergirl. It is not your cousin that we speak of. You see, the two heroes will work together to power each other, and therefore must be in perfect sync with one another.”

Kara’s eyes go wide as the realization dawns on her. “Are you talking about Lena Luthor? Do you know where she is?” She takes a few more steps closer to the aliens, desperate for answers. 

Soranik speaks again this time. “She is safe, Supergirl. She is on our ship, now, as we speak. However, she is being a bit resistant to accepting the role she must play in the coming calamity… We were hoping you would accompany us back to our ship so we could all discuss this together.” 

Supergirl turns around to look back at Alex and Brainy. Brainy is giving Kara a knowing smile. While he is careful to never reveal knowledge from the future, there were whispers of a time that Kara and Lena Luthor had joined forces with the Lantern Corps. It was never explicitly recorded on Earth, of course, but Brainy had seen evidence of it in his travels throughout the galaxy. Meanwhile, Alex is giving Kara a concerned expression. Kara gives Alex a nod, letting her know that she has this, and she will be ok. Alex grimaces, but knows she has to trust her sister, so she nods back. 

Supergirl turns back to the aliens, letting them know she will join them on their ship. She follows them as they return into the woods, leaving Alex and Brainy to wait to hear from Kara. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The aliens walk with Kara in relative silence as they enter the forest. The only time someone speaks is when Tomar-Tu steps back to walk with Kara. 

“Kara Zor-El of Krypton,” he says.

“How do you know my name and where I am from?” Kara asks, eyeing him suspiciously.

“As a Green Lantern, I am gifted with much knowledge. However, it is the crest that you and your cousin wear and the knowledge passed on to me by my father that I have to thank for knowing your name. You see, my father, Tomar-Re, was also a member of the Green Lantern Corp. He was a great scientist who attempted to help save your home planet, Krypton, from exploding. I must express my sincerest apologies for my father’s failure in this endeavor. I know it came at a great loss to you.” Tomar-Tu bows his head solemnly as he finishes recalling the tragic story his father had told him of the long dead planet, hoping to pass on the mistakes he had made in hopes that his son would not make the same ones in the future. 

Kara is quite taken aback by this knowledge. She never knew that her family had been offered help by others to save the planet. She sometimes forgets she was only 14 and that her parents kept much of their dealings from her. “I appreciate your kind words, Tomar-Tu, please know that my parents were as much at fault as anyone else for the destruction of my home planet. And while I live with the pain every day, I have found a home on Earth and I don’t plan on letting anything or anyone take that away from me.” Kara looks Tomar-Tu in the eyes as she finishes this statement, making it clear to him that she is already accepting the role she has to plan in the coming disaster. Tomar-Tu simply gives a very understanding nod, and resumes to walking in silence, though he continues to walk beside Kara the rest of the trip. 

Kara is surprised to find that the ship is in fact, sitting in a clearing about a half mile back in the forest. As they approach the ship, a door appears out of the wall and opens. The four aliens board the ship. Kara feels like there is something familiar about the ship, but she isn’t sure why. They walk until they come into what she assumes must be the main control room, as it overlooks the front of the ship and has some kind of control panel. 

And there sits Lena. 

Kara has a hard time controlling herself, barely refraining from using her superspeed to get to Lena. As they walk into the control room, Lena looks up from a book she is reading, opening her mouth about to say something, but freezing when she sees Kara. 

Lena finally manages to mutter “Supergirl?” 

Soranik glances between Lena and Supergirl, watching the interaction closely. 

Supergirl stands frozen in the doorway, unsure of exactly how to react. She doesn’t want to give anything away to the aliens, as she isn’t sure how much they know about her. 

“Ms. Luthor, I’m glad to see you are safe and sound,” Kara finally manages to say, trying to maintain her Supergirl façade.

Soranik glances to her two comrades, who both nod at her, giving her the ok, signaling to her for something.

“Lena Luthor, Kara Zor-El Danvers. We know much more about you than you might think,” Soranik starts. “Like for starters, that you are in love with each other.” 

Kara and Lena look at each other before looking at Soranik, and then back to each other, unsure of what to say. Soranik takes advantage of their silence though and continues to speak. “There is a great threat coming to Earth and the two of you may be the only ones who can stop it. But to do so, you need additional gifts, additional powers. Which is why we are here.”

“Why us?” Lena asks. She has been asking this question since they first came to her penthouse and asked her to come to their ship. This is the first time it seems like she might get a real answer. 

Soranik looks to Tomar-Tu, who speaks next. “Lena Luthor, you have experienced great tragedy, great loss in your life. And were raised to embrace the darker traits and innermost selfish desires by your own family. Yet, you have chosen to rise above that, choosing instead the greater good, demonstrating great will power. Which is why a Green Lantern ring has chosen you as its next wearer…” Tomar-Tu trails off, hesitating before continuing with the next part of the story, knowing that this will bring some contention from the Luthor. He takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly before continuing. “Many at the Green Lantern Corp did not believe you were ready when the ring called for you two years ago. So, a test was created so that you could demonstrate your ability to overcome your greatest fear.”

At this point Soranik jumps in. “Which is why I was brought in to work with Tomar-Tu. Green Lantern power works on Will Power whereas Yellow Lantern power is fueled by fear. I am able to tap into and see a person’s fears. I could clearly see, that like me, you, Lena Luthor, wanted to make a name for yourself, outside of your family’s dark legacy, that that was not your greatest fear though. Your greatest fear had to do with losing that which you love most.” Soranik finishes, looking to Kara. 

“What do you mean, like you?” Lena asks, wanting to know more about this alien, and maybe deflect a bit from herself for a moment in the hopes that her cheeks would stop reddening. 

“My birth father… Sinestro… oppressed the people of my planet and used the power of the Yellow Lantern for nefarious purposes. While I was originally a member of the Green Lantern Corp, I have since become a member of the Yellow Lantern Corp, working along side the Green Lantern Corp in an effort to unite the two and undo the evil deeds of my father… So, you see, Lena Luthor, like you, I am trying to make up for the sins of my family.” 

Kara has only been half listening to this explanation though because she just realized what Soranik meant by testing Lena. Kara suddenly cuts in, “It was you. You took my memories.”

Soranik and Tomar-Tu do not deny it. In fact, they both nod, admitting to what they did. With this new development, Lena abruptly stands up. “I’m sorry, are you saying you took Kara’s memories, five YEARS worth of memories, just for some kind of test, for me?!” Lena is now solely focused on how, yet again, she has somehow managed to be the cause of so much pain for Kara. 

Saint Walker, who has remained very quiet and off to the side throughout this entire interaction, walks slowly up next to Lena now, and says “That was not the only reason… It was also a test for Kara… to be part of the Blue Lantern Corp. You see, the Blue Lantern Corp is a unique power among the Lanterns because it focuses on Hope. And instead of creating its own constructs and power, it works with the Green Lanterns to enhance their abilities two-fold. Kara had to lose her memories but not lose hope in herself to demonstrate she was worthy of becoming a member of the Blue Lantern Corp.” Saint Walker looks across the room to Kara, who is standing there, hands balled into fists, glaring back. 

“I’ve spent the past year and a half, missing five years of my life, trying to put back the pieces… having no idea why they were taken… and it was all… some… kind… of… test…”

Lena, realizing there is no reason to keep up pretenses any longer, and being equally furious but wanted to help Kara, walks over to her and attempts to sooth her by rubbing her back. Kara looks at Lena graciously. Lena then turns back to the three Lanterns. “If it was a test… give them back… give Kara back her memories.” Lena says it demandingly as she reaches down and takes Kara’s hand in hers without even thinking about it. Kara willingly accepts it. 

Soranik sighs and grimaces when Lena makes this request, clearly not happy with what she must tell Lena and Kara next. “I wish we could, truly I do. And we had planned to do just that. The truth is that shortly after they were removed, a faction of Yellow Lanterns being led by someone from the future went rogue and stole the memories. I have a team of highly trusted Lanterns tracking them across the universe, but we have been unable to catch them and repossess the memories ourselves.” Soranik says it all as quickly as she can, knowing it is her fault the memories were taken in the first place. She put her trust in the wrong individuals. 

“Why would they want my memories?” Kara thinks she already knows the answer. But she needs to hear it. 

“You know what’s coming, from when you went to the future. They don’t want you to remember.” Saint Walker states bluntly. 

Kara turns to Lena, taking her other hand in her open hand. “Lena, I have to know. I have to go get my memories back…”

“No, Darling. We have to go get them back. It’s at least half my fault you lost them to begin with.” Kara squeezes Lena’s hands, trying to let her know she doesn’t blame her for what happened. Even so, Kara knows Lena will carry this guilt around with her for a long time to come. She also knows how stubborn Lena is. And that there is no convincing her not to come with her on this journey.

“Before you go flying off into space, perhaps you could both use some training with your new rings?” Saint Walker asks. 

Lena and Kara smile at each other, and then nod at Saint Walker.   
“That, and we also probably want to bring a couple of friends with us on this adventure. And set up some things with Lcorp and Catco. So, we will need some time to plan…” Kara trails off, already thinking about all the things she needs to do. And imaging how Alex is going to react when she finds out that she will be going into space… with Lena. 

Lena isn’t sure who Kara means to bring with them. But she trusts Kara. And she knows that as long as she is with Kara that wherever they are, no matter where they go, that they are in it together, and that they can make it through anything. 

“Alright then, let’s get started, my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for coming along with me on this journey. Like I said at the beginning, I started this story to dive into how Lena would handle Kara losing her memories (after reading several fanfics where Lena loses her memories). And man, did this story just develop a life of its own as I was writing it! I've recently gotten back into creative writing after not doing it for a long long time, so it has been really fun to see and hear the reactions from you all as you read the story. I do have to take a break from writing on here to work on another project for a couple weeks, but I will then be back to start Part 2 of this story as well as some short companion pieces that take place in the AU I have somehow managed to create in this story. If you want to see specific parts of their story that I didn't get into in this original piece, please let me know! :)


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